9 replies to this topic

[elevenmil]

I have always been good friends with this girl. I am now a junior in college and I have had a crush on this girl since early grade school, yeah, that's a long time. I talked to her about my feelings when we graduated and she told me she wanted to remain friends. We've stayed close during college and hang with each other often in the summers. I guess she had a relationship earlier this year with some other guy but that didn't last too long and they recently broke up (to the best of my knowledge). I don't know if I should make a move or just remain in the relationship we're currently in because I don't know how she feels about me.

I don't know why I can't look past her, why I continuously look at her and want to be with her. I know I'm running out of time as I'm soon to graduate from college. Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation? What happened, and if it never worked out, how did you get over her? I don't ever see myself able to do it.

[Furor]

What you should do is to talk to her about this. If you keep it within you, then things could get worse. You get agitated, irritated and annoyed easily. I'm sure she will understand because you've been friends for a long time and understanding each other is a major part of friendship. She is the only person that will give you the best advice which you can't get without talking.

I've been in such kind of a situation and thats why I'm telling this to you. I liked her and I think she liked me too. But I did not talk to her about this and now she's transferred her college credits and shifted to Canada. I guess it was never meant to be. I hope that helped.

[snlildude87]

Bah! Don't talk to her. Get one of her girl friends to talk to her. Get them to bring the subject of you up abruptedly in a conversation. That'll work better, and it's more discrete. It's sort of like using spies in the army system. But seriously, her friends will get more information than you can imagine. After you get the goods from her friends, then you can act based on what they say.

[rvovk]

Well, if she recently have ended her relationship then my advice would be to wait and just to be her friend. Cause you never know how much is she brokenhearted and if you make false move, then it can be doom for you. Try to be her friend, talk to her about how she feels in her situation, and slowly try to include yourself in to this part of conversation. If you ere meant to be together then you two will be together, if not then it is better to be separated. But I guess you have lot of feelings for her, but she doesn't have. That is a problem part for me and it can be hurtfull for you.

[ill]

I've got the solution.

Ask her out.

Don't tell her how you feel - that you want to be with her forever and ever. haha. It'll scare her.

Just plain and simple, ask her out man. It'll either work or it won't. At least you won't be thinking "if only.." in the end.

[Cammy]

Ive been in a similar situation. I really liked a guy for years, never dated him. I even told him that I liked him. he was flattered but he saw me like a sister . I truly thought he was the one but he wasnt. He even married someone else. Till this day I think of him as my soul mate. We dont even talk to each other anymore, not in the same social circle.

What do you have to lose is you ask her out on a social call not a 'date'?See if there is chemistry not just on your side. Do not pressure her or dig for too much info about her ex. Good luck!

[brainless]

welcome to the club, eleven

I've got a similar relationship, this girl told me something like 9 years ago that we should be friends, with the difference that I got over it already.
My advice: If you value her friendship (yes, friends and nothing more), keep it the way it's always been. It's not always easy but if you keep in touch, that makes a good friend.
If you really like her (hey, you've still got a crush on her after all these years ), I'd suggest you have a talk with a friend of hers you trust, just like snlildude said. But after all, you will have to talk to her in person.

The worst case would be that she doesn't want to talk to you ever again (happened to a friend of mine) but at least you know what's going on then - and if she does that, the friendship wasn't that good anyway.

As a "therapy" for your crush on her, you could try asking her to look for girls which might fit to you in her opinion (don't forget the conversation - if you just go to her and say "you've gotta search a girl for me" that's not good); in my case that girl has come up with this idea. Unfortunately (or luckily?) they're all on the friendship-trip so I've got way more female friends than male friends - after some time of hanging around with them, it might happen that you start looking after boys just because that's what you always do when you're out (no, I'm not gay - just judging whom of my friends could try her luck on him)...

[Danieluchis]

well ill just tell ya something, i wouldn't tell her anything... i was at the same situation before but the bad thing for me is that i still can't forget this guy |¬¬ anyways if she told you to just being friends it means she values your friendship you should try to comfort her without trying not to demostrate the "i love you be my girlfriend" feeling she really would appreciate it and who knows maybe she'll someday like you =)

[Tyssen]

rvovk, on May 25 2005, 02:38 AM, said:

Well, if she recently have ended her relationship then my advice would be to wait and just to be her friend.

Yeah, because there are too many ways this can go wrong for you. She could think you're trying to take advantage of the situation and get mad with you or get mad with you cos she told you already how she felt and doesn't like the fact you're bringing it up again. On the other side, she might say 'yes' but it may only be cos she's still upset about her last boyfriend and is only doing it on the rebound which means that sooner or later it'll probably come to a messy end and then you might end up not liking each other anymore.