31 replies to this topic

[ORene]

I wouldn't give her another chance... once a cheater, always a cheater.
If a tree is born and grows twisted, well you can't straighten it.

In my opinion if you go back with her it would really mean throwing your dignity into the toilet.
A person who cheats on his/her couple does not deserve to be with you, its that simple.

So I'd say just move on... now if you really really like her and can't live without her, then its your choice.
If you love her so much to TOLERATE infidelity then do as you wish. She doesn't deserve another opportunity but again, its your choice.

Just remember, once a cheater...always a cheater

[rpgsearcherz]

I would never trust someone if they cheated on me....To me it's one of the strongest acts of betrayal.

There is no "I love you and I'm sorry I did it." If they loved you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

There are only a few things I am 100% against and will never change my stance on, and cheating is one of them(relationship wise....Cheating on tests and stuff is obviously different).

[Ousk]

Never do that, i just break up on the spot if i find out and never look back. It's hard sometimes but she or he will hurt you even more if you try something. It's hard to really trust someone even without them cheating so...

[iGuest]

once a cheaterAbout Coming Back With A CheaterWell, ive been in this situation only not too long ago. Only I chose to forgive my man. For months we both have been recovering step by step and doing OK. Not the easiest thing to do, but we were managing it. Until someone decided to start messing with his head over the phone by telling him that I was a women scorned and is out to reak havick on him. SO NOT TRUE... We have just had the worse 4days of hell. He should have trusted in me and believed in me, but his head space was so messed up, and was so rought with anger that we were accusing each other of such mad stuff, that I fineally packed up his stuff and put it all in the shed, so he could stay there until we could get to the bottom of this God awful mess we were yet facing again... We now have a lead on who it may be, and all along I was telling him it was the other women doing this, but as yet no proof on her, but my gut instinct tells me she;s behind it all, just so we would fight so badly and argue so fircely, that we would break up. So, for now, he is away working for a few days. Time apart will be good for us both. I wrote him a letter, telling him how he has made me feel, and hopefully it may bring him around. It would be so easy to just walk away right now, but we do love each other very much, but with people interfering all the time, its going to make our process of working things out, that much longer to do. So...If you love your man/lady, so much, work on it. Don,t let anyone/anything get in your way. Fight for what you want, and keep the faith alive, talk to eachother, don't keep secrets anymore from one another and go slowly, step by step, and you should overcome any obstacle you both may face in the future...I am hopeful that our story will work out in the long run. Not everyone is always the cheater time and time again. In my case, there are just far too many people without a life of their own, so they feel compelled to interfer with ours. Karma will do its thing on them some day... I hope... Take care everyone who is facing this problem right now, work on what is the right thing for YOU to do. Just listen to YOUR heart, not what everyone tells you to do...You are your own strength.-reply by Cookamoondance Girl

[missy2205]

I think this is a very difficult decision to make and will reflect differently from individual to individual. While its easy to say to anyone thats been a victim should dump the cheating arsehole the reality is that cases and emotions will differ from person to person in every situation. I know its easy to say Im leaving the cheater but then when it comes to the action of actually leaving we may have a lot of dragged feet.

In the past i have been in a very serious relationship and he was the best boyfrined ever. Our relationship was very romantic and loving and he dotted me everyy step of the way. Even though i am a very trusting person, this boyfriend worked on making trust even stronger between us. He was were he always said he was and would call me throughout the day and I would call him anytime or visit his place as and when I pleased and over 7 years I grew to cement trust him because he never gave me any reason to even think he may see another girl behind my back. I had keys to his place, paswords to his email and facebook and he would let me use or borrow his phone all the time no girls would text or call. I knew he was faithful and my trust for him just improved with each day. We were getting all serious due to the amount of trust and love that was flowing between us. its not like I would measure the trust we had in each other but its what i realise when I look in retrospect and realise where things were going back then.

I am one person who stringly believed in you cheat on someone then you are not worth a second chance EVER. I would tell this to my girlfriends who had been pplayed by boyfriends and would encourage them to leave cheating lovers. With me there was no room to reconcile if the break up was caused by cheating. I used to think my friends / workmates were dumb for giving a cheat a second chance. But i didnt ever think this would happen to me one day because I had told him for day one you cheat youre out. and I made it clear and shared with him stories of my girlfreidns and the advice I gave them and even some male friends who had been cheated on I would advise a complete break up and as a couple I would talk to him at home and say stuff like I think your riend Tony is a wuss how can he go back to a cheating girlfriend cause if she didnt it once she gonna do iy again. And he would say yeah what a douche bag lol. With time I grew to think we shared the same passion on faithufllness. He would tell me about idot Brian or silly Trevor who was cheating on his girlfreind with the waitress down the road and how stupid that was seeing as he had a really pretty girlfrind and a steady realtionship. He would talk down about people tht couldnt be faithfull and told me it wasnt fair to have someone invest all their emotions on you if you were not serious because breaking their heart would scar them for a long time and even after that you taint the trust for the next boyfriend who may be completely genuine but because she thinks I was cheated and I didnt realise it she thinks ive heard it all before and mr genuine loses his true chance at happines cause of a cheat who was selfish. My boyfreind was exhibiting perfect boyfriend material right there. We shared the same valuse especially on faithfull ness.

Without realising it I began to visualise a life around him and with him. Slowly over the years I grew to depend on having him as half my life. I know we spend so much time telling each other that we should never ever completely trust another person or think that someone would never let us down because we are setting overselves up for a fall. But in real life trust creeps up on you without you realising it. One second you are fully in control leaving room for disappointment but then someone slowly builds up the trust in our subconscious by never letting us down hence the statement I never thought you could do that to me.

Sooner or later they have bought your trust completely and you dont even realise it you still think you have left room for siaaspointment btu in actualy fact that gap is only in your head. Anyway after nearly 6 years of being together he started having an affiar (if I can even call it that since we were not married). But he started cheating on me with a close freind. What was even worse was she was a mutual freind and so it wasnt surprising when she called his phone or mine bacuase she would speak to either of us and it was not suspicious seeing her ring his phone or mine. It was the last thing i expected or would have suspected because she didnt call him anymore than she called me and its not like her calls increased suddenly. I dont know if it was him who called her or what but one way or another they started datung behind my back. I had no clue and me and her became closer I dont know if she became close to me just to have acess to him or it was just that we spent so much time that we got closer but all thhis happened under my nose and I only found out way after they broke up. I found love note she had slipped in this pocket after a passionate date saying she was happy they were so good together and how perfect they were but she hated doing this to me but thats what made everything so much more intense between them. The trying to get stolen moments and stolen kisses etc. It was a cute note only it was talking bout my man. I rang him up straight away and confronted him and when he confessed to me and appologised i saw red. My heart suddenly felt this searing pain. It was as if I had wanted him to deny it and say it wasnt true but he just said I had an affair with her i didnt know what i was thinking I broke it up after 3 months cause I realised I didnt want to cheat on you and that i love you more than to do that to you. My instant reaction was to cuss him and slam the phone down on him. I didnt know what to do or how to react except to grab all his stuff and bin it. it was all i could do. Took every item of clothing and photos in my flat and binned them. I was hurting and yet panicking I was thinking theres no room for a love rat in my life once a cheat always a cheat etc. I didnt stop binning his stuff until I had got rid of every item that he had ever bought me or bought for my place. I constantly replayed his voice saying

i didnt know what i was thinking I broke it up after 3 months cause I realised I didnt want to cheat on you

Three bloody months I kept whispering as tears flowed down my face and I cried for hours and hours. I wanted to kill myself to diee to end it all but I didnt have the guts to. I dodnt know how to live wiihtout him yet he cheated on me. Was I not good enough for him. My mind went back to our realtionship in the past year we had sex daily except when I was on my period and he hadnt changed in anyway he was completely loving and he had the same vigor as always yet theer in my hand i had a note sayign the way you make love to me is sooooo electrifying how had he managed to play me for such a fool. I dodnt even know what to do for hours is there on the sofa curled up crying my eyes out. I dodnt sleep for nearly two days neither did I shower I just kept crying and Hating him and stuffing my self with junk food as I dodnt have the heart to cook. It was only whhen another friend from work got worried I hadnt phoned in to work and not turned up that she came by and found me still mopping around. She was there for me and helped me cope over the next few days. My now ex boyfriend had called me countless times and sent loads of texts and appologies on the first couple days then went dead. I felt a tingle of revenge satisfaction as each call went to voicemaila nd every text came through because I knew he was worried or hurting too and the more he called the more i knew i had a certain value to him or else he wouldnt be calling this much.

Then on the third day He didnt call or text he he called me on the fifth day and by then I had sortof come back to my sense and I answered his call. I was angry and all but i realise now that him not calling me had made me panick in a wierd way. It had made me wonder why he wasnt calling me and slowly i had begun to feel rejected as if he was dumping me and i found my self getting depressed waiting for the next opportunity to ignore his call but when he called I answered and he simply said we cant do this over the phone. Im coming rund to see you and we can talk face to face and i am not asking you to take me back no not at all I just wanan at least end this in a civil way if its ending and he said what time do I come around around. I said WHtever but dont try anything stupid he said I promise I wont. I just need to talk to you and clear the air. Since you said whatever time Im gonna drop by yours after work if thats ok and with that he hung up the phone. I felt rage at him takingt his air of authority with me yet he was the bastard that cheated on me. I was gonna be away when he got to my flat. I left shortly before he finished worked and went to the pub with a friend I drank shots and tequilla and minutes turned to hours and before long it was midnight. I went back home and satisfied I had stood him up and rejected him and yet when I got to my flat he had left a buch of white roses with a noe that said I didnt feel worthy to even speak to you after what I have done to you. Im sorry.

I melted but hated that he didnt suffer the standing up apparently he only brought the floors knoocked the dor and left. Over the next few days i didnt hear from hi all i got were roses at my dorrstep everymorning all with reminders of special moments we shared in our life together and then it stopped suddenly. And for a while I had nothing, NOTHING But silence.

I started to feel lonely as i started to miss himbeing around and I felt like if i kept pushing him away id loose him I started making excuses that he had suffered enough and i was being unreasonable and finally i called him and said we needed to talk. Needless to say when he turned up to talk he had puppy dog eyes and heartfelt appologies. He did everythigng right and told me about the future we would be throwing away over his mistake and how he would be angry too if I had done the same to him but he would forgive me eventually ad want a life with me because he loved me so much. Needless to say I fell back into his arms and though I had thought I wouldnt sleep with him for months just to punish him he didnt nag me for sex and I soon found me wanting him even more cause I didnt want him getitng it elsewhere. and once I started making love to him all the feleing came back and though I would sit there sometimes feeling angry and cheated I found it easier to let him back into my life. I know that things slowly faded over the next year probably because of the trust but it was easier that way than for me to dump him straught away because it made me feel worhless , cheated and alone and because we'd been together so long it was hard coping with all those elements at once. I found it easir letting him back into my life but constantly reminding myself that he cheated on me and i shouldnt give my all.

I know you may think I am dumb for that but i think we all cope with cheats differently and firumits may tell us we should take step abc and all that I realised from personall experience that the best way to cope with a cheat is whatever is best for you. If it means slowly weaing them off you then do that but theres no point in suffering depression for three years and being suicidal just because you cut that person off at once and cant cope witht he result of doing this drastic action maybe thats whay married people do separation periods i dont know but i found that while once trust is gone the realtionship will usually not last its easier to slowly let go than an immediate cut off. Hope my experience helps even in a little way.

[Indego_Media]

I could be signing my own death sentence here.... but I'm on the other side of this discussion, I was the cheater, and yes it was my fault, I was bored, my partner was never there and the opportunity just developed with a friend who became more then a friend. I still loved my partner, still do. We are still together, but everyone is right its hard work and the trust is the hardest part its gone completely. Now my life is an open book but if I'm acting differently or have changed my routine then they assume that I'm cheating again, I know my partner loves me very much, and that is why we are still together, I can't imagine my life with out them, these days cheating is the furthest from my mind.

Strangely enough i think we have a better relationship today as we are more open and honest about how we are feeling and when things aren't right we speak up and say something instead of me going to friends to talk and my partner just ignoring it.

There's an old saying it takes two to tango and its very true, if your in a relationship and one party cheats then there is usually something missing from that partnership and its not always the cheaters fault, granted they made the move to cheat and they committed the act, but if the relationship was a happy and healthy one to start with then there is a fair chance that they would not have drifted else where.


In my chase my partner said i cheated on them, i never had sex with the other person, i never even met the other person it was an only relationship but still i said and wrote some things that were not nice about my relationship, about my partner and given the chance I'm not sure if i have met the other person that I would not have gone ahead and had a physical relationship with them.

I think if i had done that there may very well not have been any option to return to my partner and our relationship.

For those of you who are so sure about no taking back a cheater, I suggest that you make sure that you have given it enough thought on the situation and what may or may not have lead to the cheaters reasons for drifting from thier relationship.

Any way just my 2 cents worth. Don't flame me for my honesty.... or what i have done in the past.....