45 replies to this topic

[AmandaB78]

hey everyone. I have a serious problem on my hands. Let me start here..

I started going out with this guy a year and 4 months ago. While we were together he used to get drunk all the time and completely hurt me.. Not physically but emotionally and mentally. Its like.. when he gets one beer in his system he doesn't care about me or us. Everything sets him off. So I put up with him for a year or so. I was use to the weekends being a mess.I knew that I would get ditched at least once or twice every week, have him leave my house out of nowhere for stupid reasons (always when he drinks tho) ((which is every night))
, hanging up on me all the time, basically breaking my heart.

I do everything for this kid. We are broken up now. But were back trying to see if wwe can work it out. He tells me hes goning to change but I've heard it a million times. He freaks out over nothing still to this day and were not going out. He says he can't trust me and mostly everything is my fault but if you ask me and everyone including my parents friends teachers etc.. hes got some seri0ous problems and if anything I shouldn't trust him. Hes done some bad things and he even admits to me that he "ditches" me and that he keeps things from me. Also... I've really changed my life around alot in the past year and started doing alot of good things instead of being miserable. But he doesn't appreciate the things I do. He doesn't ask me how I feel or how my day was. He doesn't congradulate me on things I do. He just thinks about himself.

I love him but I HATE THIS! I don't mean to sound cocky or anything but I'm sure there are other guys out there that would appreciate me and treat me good but I can't let go. Everyone I know tells me I should but I can't do it. I hate being miserbale and I know I will be. I just don't think he'll change. He told me he would the other day and just an hour ago. He got mad at me because some stupid kid called my phone. I don't talk to this kid I can't stand him and I don't know why he called. But "the boy toy" got mad and basically flipped on me walked out and went home. It wasn't my fault!! I'm 17 and hes 20 but I swear to god hes just as immature and stupid as he was when he was 13.

I need some advice. I'm pretty positive the outcome though.

[LocalSeer]

Being a guy, I can tell you that he's running all over you cause you're letting him. In his mind not only is it fine to act like a *BLEEP* but he might even think you like it.

My advice is to change your attitude and act like your the prize he has to work for. Next time he gets mad at you for having a guy call try asking that guy if he wants to hang out later tonight. AFTER, invite your boyfriend, and I bet he won't leave cause you have another guy right next to you to take advantage of the situation.

Make him slightly jeolous and let him know you have fifty guys waiting in line for a chance with you. If he's just messing with you I bet he'll leave, but if he loves you he might stay. The way you describe it dosen't seem like you have many choices, so try it.

[Saint_Michael]

i agree somewhat with what local said but instead of acting like a prize leave the guy, don't even give him a reason, he does not have the right to treat you like trash and since he been doing that for a year its really messed you up mentally, I call him and tell its over and that you have nothing else to say.

Next thing you need to do is take time off in the dating scene and work out your thoughts, cuz 1 not all men are like that 2: it gives you a chance to get rid of the negative thoughts about realtionship and 3: gives you time to figure everything out as well and build up the confidance to stand up for yourself and tell a guy either act like a friend/boyfriend/ or whatever or leave.

most guys respect and those who don't are just trash.

[BordaForx]

Quote

I don't mean to sound cocky or anything but I'm sure there are other guys out there that would appreciate me and treat me good but I can't let go.

That would be me (other guys). Yeah, I'm just kidding (wow, I'm gettin' desperate).

Yeah, you have to let it go. You just can't go out with someone who drinks all the time. Trust me, it won't be good in the future. Find someone else. Well, that's my advice. I'm a guy, and I hate it when guys just start drinking 9 bottles of beer and then get drunk, and they wake up and don't even know what they did.

[tuddy]

Your only 17, you have on average, 75 years left to live. This guy has already wrecked one of those years.

I suggest you let him go, telling him he needs to change BEFORE you take him back, or even talk to him. Also take Saints advice, it works, also its great being single, you can flirt more, and not have a worry of a guy at all.

If this guy, loves you, and trusts you, he'll try and get you back. If he hasn't changed, then hold hope and not give in, he will eventually give in and change. If you don't hear a bar out of him, let him go, and find someone who will make you happy and leave you happy for that 75 years.

Life is full of experiences and fun just waiting to be had. Im male and 17... , Where do you live? ..joking..

[freesoul]

Well if the guy can't keep his beer to himself don't keep the guy for yourself. But I think your are too faithful to him so you can't let him go. That doesn't mean you should just sit back and watch in misery. You gotta take control if he can't control himself. I think LocalSeer's strategy is worth the shot. You go girl.

[tuddy]

LocalSeer, on Dec 15 2005, 02:56 PM, said:

Being a guy, I can tell you that he's running all over you cause you're letting him. In his mind not only is it fine to act like a *BLEEP* but he might even think you like it.

My advice is to change your attitude and act like your the prize he has to work for. Next time he gets mad at you for having a guy call try asking that guy if he wants to hang out later tonight. AFTER, invite your boyfriend, and I bet he won't leave cause you have another guy right next to you to take advantage of the situation.

Make him slightly jeolous and let him know you have fifty guys waiting in line for a chance with you. If he's just messing with you I bet he'll leave, but if he loves you he might stay. The way you describe it dosen't seem like you have many choices, so try it.

This is likly to work, but i'd be careful, cause if he is already in-toxicated and not himself, he may just turn violent. That is also the problem with you staying in the relationship without him getting help for his drinking, at anytime can turn Violent.

Im sure i stand for others when i say, last thing we want is a Trap 17 member in hospital.

[ongnoai]

AmandaB78, on Dec 15 2005, 04:13 AM, said:

I love him but I HATE THIS!  I don't mean to sound cocky or anything but I'm sure there are other  guys out there that would appreciate me and treat me good but I can't let go.  Everyone I know tells me I should but I can't do it.  I hate being miserbale and I know I will be.  I just don't think he'll change.

Hey there,

Young Lady, what you tell above is basically that you're in love with this dude. Which means no advice will do, and I'm pretty serious 'bout that. Advises come from experience and living in a sensible, day-to-day world. Being in love with somebody means that you're not to be reached by sensible reasoning, outworldly so-to-speak, even when you can see the insanity of it all.

But I agree with the above that you shouldn't let yourself get stomped by this elephant of yours. You could set your cap to teach him some manners for a start. Showing him how to give you some respect wouldn't hurt either, and that depends on YOU. But whatever you can do to adjust him is doomed to failure, most likely, because people never basically change, be they 20 or 80 or whatever.

I would simply suggest that you swap your line of thinking to some selfishness and self-preservation. According to the picture you give, he's not only self-centered, but you also spend your time thinking about and of him. That makes the two of you doing the same job, which is hardly productive, right? Start thinking about yourself again and try to invest some time in loving yourself, first thing. When this is done, you'll see, nobody dares standing on your toes again, or ever.

Cheers!

[AmandaB78]

Thanks everyone..You guys are awesome..!!! I've been trying to not be as nice and caring as i usually am today. lol.. Well see how everythnig turns out. Ill let everyone one know soon

[Saint_Michael]

and if need be kick him in the junk so he can reproduce that helps makes the wolrd a better place.