19 replies to this topic

[mandla]

wow. the hardest thing i've ever had to go through in my life is being in a long distance relationship.

I feel for all of who who find yourselves in the situation were a partner or boyfriend has to move to a different country. I think the main problem we all experience is that feeling of helplessness where it feels like you looosing that person ou love because they have changed. I know this from my own personal experience.

My advice would be to continue communicating cause with out that its all going to fall apart. And while it hurst especially when we start to see those changes we shouldn't let it get us down. If you have something worth, its best to try and make time for each other as much as possible and support each other. Yes it hurts finding loop holes in their stories like the sitaution were you discovered they were baby sitting for free but honestly thinking too much only makes it more painfull. Remember they arent on an island so don't isolate yourself too. Find other stuff to do otherwise you easily find yourself thinking bout all the cracks that are developing.

the worst bit is research sometimes being naive is better cause when you talk to people they will tell ohhhhh she is France oh my god she's probably having sex with some french dude right now and yes its a joke but they forget that next time you cant get hold of your loved one, stories like that will tend to replay in your head and crush the trust.

We jus need to open up our hearts to dissapointment becaue we might not get back the effort we are pitting in over the distance and maybe sometimes its better to just find someone to move on with but then its not easy Its really hard. In my experience i got to a point where I was even scared to read mail from her cause I was scared that shed tell me shed found someone else and that kind of stuff can drive you nuts.

TO someone who has never had a long distance relationship with someone they trully had feelings for, its easy for them to say evaluate this and decide that or move on or just walk awya now than later and all that but like a divorce or break up no one really know how to advise you like one thats been in the suituation and even then we all react differently some get depression some feel lost and some just withdraw.

There is no right do and donts all I would recommend is to follow you heart and always remember in love we loose our selves and in love we break each others heart.

I hope i made sense lol

[mra550]

I had a long distance relationship in my past and its not that easy, my suggestion is continue struggling on or ask him
if he still want to continue your relationships since he is the guy if he don't want well understand,
find another one, there's a lot of people in the world not only him,

[mandla]

My brother in law was in a long distance relationship, he was in oz and his gf was in brazil, they met on holiday and when she went to back to brazil they just used to talk everyday on skype for about a year eventually they met up again and spent a few months together and they were still so happy when they were together after all that time. She has since gone back to brazil but they still talk everyday, even tho they miss each other like crazy they are both happy because they maketime each day to talk with each other. It sounds like your not too happy, maybe you could be friends for awhile and see if he changes his ways, or suggest you want a break to see other people maybe he will get scared and step up his game and try harder for you. tell him to get his act together or its over, if he doesnt want to then you know hes no good, you shouldnt try all the time yourself to make things work when he cant be bothered. hope all goes well for you

[legend112]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship and it's been okay...Not great but okay.

My girlfriend lives in a different country, we're an ocean apart and we talk via email, phone and msn from time to time. that is to say every week. Communication doesn't have to take a break, so much can change but i trust my girlfriend and she trusts me so everything is cool.

The thing that causes many people to have trouble is a lack of trust and you have live in faith and ignore other people hoping your partner is doing the same. This is the most difficult part and I do get tempted from time to time but I have been successful. You risk a heartbreak too because if you're walking straight and then find out your partner was dating all this time...your world would be crushed.

LDR need mature people. Someone who's not possessive and ready to allow his\her partner to discover if they are really in love because if you're in love...you will still hook up and stand the test of time.

[gisellebebegirl]

well one thing is for sure, if a man is in love, he will do anything to be with you, talk to you, text you etc, maybe he is scared so i do not want to asume things, but you really need to talk to him about what is going on between you and him, if you are ever going to be anything more than just an online relationship, drop the bomb on him, hes a guy, he is not going to drop it for you

[Spyda]

lawmatchmaker, on Jun 30 2006, 06:28 PM, said:

Hi guys, I'm in a long distance relationship with a French guy living in Switzerland. And frankly things are not going well. It is already very difficult not being able to see each other face to face , we have to use Skype to talk to each other. And he visited me like 4 months ago than he had to go back to Switzerland to work. Now things are bad between us, he has some financial problems so I sent him about US &50 to help him out and he's like working non stop, he has a day job working at a clinic and at night he does baby sitting, he speaks to me like just 5 mins a day. When I ask him not to do his baby sitting, he says he needs to because of the money...but later he admitted he did the baby sitting for free because he liked the people, so in a way he's secrificing our relationship for the baby sitting because we hardly ever get to speak any more. I've already been in this relationship for 1.5 years and I really don't know what to do about it. Should I admit defeat and just break it off...or should I struggle on? I just don't seemto matter to him any more, and when I complain to him, he just says hes tired and offs skype on me.

Long distance relationships are extremely hard and most of them do not last. If I was you, I would break off the relationship UNLESS they are going to be coming to French sometime soon. Otherwise, there is really no point as the relationships is most likely not going to last.

http://www.waiit.com...hips_Statistics

[roger112]

I have been in a long distance relationship for quite sometime now and its all been good.

Two things that people need in a relationship like this is trust and love for each other, just these two qualities will beat anything that may come crawling your way.

You have to be constanlty in touch and you have to keep reassuring each other that everything is good and soon you'll meet up and spend time together.

[missy2205]

What i can say to you girl is be very careful. Dont send this guy money anymore until you know exactly whats going on because he could be someone with a family there. I know people work hard but hey if you have a girl that you really like/love you cannot give her only 5mins and this babysitting business is crap. Have you ever visited this guy before? or he just come to you?. Some guys just wants a bit on the side so becareful of becoming one. He could be playing you fo rall you know girl. What you need to do is sit down and really think that do you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt give a damn about you or you deserve a better man. I know you must love this guy but sometime you have to let go for you to be happy.

[fermin25]

I think that the long distances relationship are not ok. Why?? A relationship is the interaction between two people and when I say interacion I mean to the contact between to people who are joined for a feeling or circunstance. But when one of the couple have to travel to another country or to another city for some months then the contact doesn´t exist anymore and the heat is lost with the cold of being talking by the phone or by the internet. How can you know that your partner is not with other guy?? You can´t know and this can ocassionate you a big stress problem and start to feel jealous and think things that maybe are not real but you can stop to think in those things. Of course you and your partner when there is a cirncunstance in the life that will separate each other have to make the effort to continue the relationship with a pact, with a promise, I don´t know. But you have to make the effort of course but if in some part of the time you start to feel something with another new people you have met you have to tell this inmediately to your partner and together take a decision, broke or continue together. The chat and all the ways to keep the contact are useful to simulate that contact that you can have in the real way, but of course it can´t no replace to the real contact, the heat of a real relationship, one close to the other.

So this is what I think, of course if you are in this type of relationship you have to fight but at the same time being concieous about the turn that can have in the future the relationship. In my country there is a said: "Love distance relationship, is a love between fools".

[Okara KAmi]

I think it was really sweet of you to send over $50. I'm not quite sure why, but in this day and age, that kind of stuff just seems so anachronistic. In a good way, of course. Now about the long distance relationship itself, the generic things would have to be communication, like was said before. It's REALLY easy to feel distant from someone distant from you, and to keep yourself closer on the inside, a constant stream of feelings, events, thoughts, chitchat or whatever is necessary in my opinion. It can't ever compensate for the lack of companionship, but it's probably the closest thing you'll get to having them near you. If your boyfriend in Switzerland isn't able to talk much, you should probably tell him that you want him to make some time in the middle, as much as he possibly can, to get on and talk to you. Make a schedule, or something. As long as you guys talk. It can be boring for all we know, but talking makes that distance seem a little less.

I'd imagine your sleep schedules are about 5-7 hours apart, so by the time he wakes up, you're asleep or about to go to sleep.
Communicating and telling him what you want to say, rather than just some pattern of mushy talk, is the most important thing about a long distance relationship for me. Without it, both of you will just feel more distant from one another. Other than that, I can't give you much more advice. I really hope it works out for you =)