89 replies to this topic

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how do I get over the 4 yr relationshi[Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpI was with this guy for 4yrs. I recently broke up with him and I regret it even though I had my suspicion of him being unfaithful. I loved him very much and he still wants to be friends but I cant it is so diffucult for me and I want to take it all back. His friends stoped him from asking me to marry me. He always say how much he wanted to marry me and he also say that his friends would tell him all the time to not get married. Its hard for me because we were together 4yrs and I don't understand why he never officially asked me to marry him. With a ring and so on, if he would tell he was in love with me. I am confused and yet heartbroken. My family hated him and his family loved me. It put so much stress on our relationship it was crazy. My family hated him because when I use to work the night shift my family swears they saw him going to a girls apt at the time I was working at 1-2 am. I confronted him and my family about it but they all swear they are saying the truth and I am caught in the middle. He wanted to get back togehter again when I broke up with him but he says he is afraid of getting back together. I do and I don't want to get back with him. Being his friend for me is to hard for me.-reply by raquel cowans

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I want to be left alone and need my spaceDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpI am going through the same thing, but I have been with him for 4 years. He has been saying this to me since May, but I kept hoping it would pass. The day before xmas even he tells me that he wants to be left alone and wants his space. Then I called him on Saturday and he answered and then he put a girl on the phone. She said that she has been seeing him for months, which I know for a fact that is not true. He told me on Christmas day that he is going to start going out and doing things and not staying home anymore with me filling his head, he said he is tired of me in his head. I said what did you meet someone, he said yes I did, I said oh really, when was this, he said last week. I almost threw up. He was not home Friday night and Saturday morning, after Saturday, I never called him or went to his house. I feel that I need to cut all my contact from him and maybe he will start wondering why I am not doing the things that he is so use to doing. If he is with someone, she is simply a rebound. Why do men jump right into another relationship right when they are ending the first relationship. Can anyone give me any info on this. Replying to RockinTheCasbah-reply by Mary

[iGuest]

Ahhh.......men men men Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I recently broke up with my bf of 4 yrs , well it was on and off,  I did see a guy during our break up last year in aug, but I found out it wasnt anything, we fought alot, over stupid things, we got back together. Bought  a house a few months ago, then bam, I got a cell phone for my bday and he flipped out and said we were done. And he has treated me like garbage every since then, and we talked about our relationship ending, and we agreed to stay friends since I pay for the house... Well he hasnt been much of a friend to me in 2 weeks, its all about this new girl in his life... That I found out today he has been talking to for 2 yrs and was going to  go on a date with  her when him and I were  together still. Just sickens me that a man has that much carelessness in the world... And I'm sol of leaving cus I drained my savings to get this house :(

** it sucks! and its so hard**

anyone got any advice

[iGuest]

Emergency Decision- Long Term Relationship Risking it All?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi I am really confused and I don't know what to do. I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years, although we have never lived together. I was really in love with him in the beginning, and I would do anything for him. He was my first love, my first everything. Over the years he started being mean to me and wouldnt pay as much attention to me as I wanted. I started seeing other guys looking for what I was missing, but I was always with my boyfriend. In the latest couple of years I have realized that things have switched around and I am the one that is becoming cold towards him, I don't put as much effort anymore because I feel he dosent appreciate it. I might have fallen out of love last year, because I would find myself not wanting to be with him, or preferring being alone. We would still see each other, once or twice a week. Things just kept coming back to me about how he was in the beginning, and how boring our relationship had turned. I was scared of leaving, because I would be losing eight years of my life, my youth. I am 26 now and sometimes I feel I am too old to find someone else, or I am scared to take a risk and leave him and not find anyone better. I know thats selfish, but I stood by him loving the times we were together, but being alone and with my friends alot more. I had been talking to other guys through our relationship, but it was never anything serious. A couple of months ago I found some texts messages to a girl about how they might have met over lunch, and I just didnt confront him. I let it go. Well recentlly I found more texts of another girl, and how he told her he missed her. He had known her for a long time, and they worked together for a while. I was very hurt so I confronted him. He first got mad for checking his phone, and then he never admitted to doing anything wrong. Supposedly they were just friends. Friends don't text each other "I am thinking about you". "Call me" I felt hurt and betrayed that I put up with so much and was willing to give him my life because I thought he was so innocent and perfect, and little did I know he wasnt that innocent. He might have been inattentive in the relationship but he always stayed home and was never a wild person never talked to girls, so I thought he would never. I was very hurt, and I told him I needed time away from him. We are on a break, and I thought I would be more hurt than I am but I am really not. I do think of our past and how hard it is to leave it behind. Its been so many things together, but I also think about how I might have fallen out of love with him, how he might be having a relationship with someone else, how he dosent give me enough attention, and how he hasnt proposed after eight years. I know we don't have as much money as we would wish, but I think that when you really love someone you will do whatever it takes to get married. I always held resentment for that, and then I realized I didnt want to marry him. I was scared. So know I met another guy that I have been talking to for a while as a friend. This new guy seems to be nice, I am just so scared of letting go of the past and taking a chance. I am scared of staying alone, or loosing the best thing that will happen to me with my long term relationship. What if I leave my boyfriend and I stay single and he finds someone else? I am scared, and I don't know if to forgive him for talking to another girll and go back to where we were, or drop it and move on. I havent been happy with my long term relationship for long, I might have been too demanding butI really want true love, love that you can't live without each other, fairytale love. He said thats not true life, that it dosent exsist, and I don't know if it does or not I just want to be a happy. Should I forgive my long term boyfriend knowing that I also talked to guys during out relationship? Or should I give myself an opportunity with my new friend. Please give me advice, I have been a week apart from my long term relationship no call no text no nothing. I told him to give me time, but I expected him to at least try and get in contact with me or told me he missed me anything. He might have wanted a break too, but I honestly feel like he loves me. He said he didnt know what to do without me, that he was sorry and that something like that would never happen again. If he apologized, if because he is guilty. I don't know, I havent been a saint but I don't feel that I cheated emotionally like he did. Pleeeease help me I would reallly appreciate your advice.

[iGuest]

 ..Actually were in the same situation.. I thought my ex bf truly loves me.. I expect so much from him.. Were almost 4 years together but then he cheated me.. I started to look forward right now because I need to help myself.. No one can help me.. Only "I".. Life must go on even without him.. I can live before I met him so I can also live even without him.. Just learn to let go and accept things rent meant to last...

[iGuest]

Hang in thereDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

I did go through a similar situation as yours like 2 years ago.  He started acting up and being mean and nasty. I couldn't understand why he was treating me this way.  He left me for someone else and I just about lost it.  I actually found out about the other woman on myspace.  Then when I confronted him about it he finally admitted to me that he was actually living with her.  Mind you I was with him for 5 years. So I stopped calling him but he kept calling me to apologize and claim that he still cared for me and didn't want to break that bond.  A part of me secretly wanted him back but I couldn't keep running back to someone whose heart was all over the place. Whenever things got bad between him and the other woman he would call me and complain about her.  Say nasty things about her and that he was sorry he left me. All she wanna do is fight and just too much drama.  I realised that if he could do that to her after he claimed he loved her and he did the same while he was with me, why would I want to be with such a loser of a man?  That woke me up and I decided to love someone who will love me back the same.  So I had a male friend whom I got close to shortly after all of that and he had become my best friend.  Then he started sharing everything with me and I realized he was falling for me and I was for him as well.  One thing we had in common was that we had just had bad breakups from a long term relationship.  He is still my best friend today and we are engaged to be married. Life couldn't be sweeter.  And I thought that I would never find anyone that would love me after my ex.  At least that's what he told me. Lol.  Now he's not happy in his relationship and the girl always argue and snaps at him.  He can't deal with the fact that I'm getting married either. All I have to say is Karma is a *****.

-reply by Prudence

[iGuest]

We are on the same situation my friend... Been with him for almost 8 yrs but he just gave up and told me that he wants to date someone else... It hurts, but what can I do... I only have three strong swords and those are prayers, believe and faith in God... God will never take you to a place where he can't cover you by his grace... Time will heal the wound if you really have to let go, so be it... Offer it all to God and happiness will find you ^_^

-reply by king kong

 

[iGuest]

Believe in yourself....Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break UpReplying to RockinTheCasbahIf he's treating you bad, then leave him you deserve better, there are more men where you found that one. I'm sure your a beautiful young lady and deserve someone to love you for you. Move on as you again deserve better, I can't say that enough... Men are a dime a dozen...And a good one will come your way when your not looking...Pray, God is good...-reply by Concerned

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Long term breakup and mixed signals?Dealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

My ex and I recently broke up back in October. We would have been dating for 6 years next month. So we were together a really really long time. He was my best friend and I grew to love him more than anything. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and still do. Right before we broke up, he told me that I was the one, the one he wanted to seond the rest of his life with, and how he knew he was making a mistake and that if he was smart, he would come back. We haven't talked or seen each other since the breakup. Yesterday, I found out about a lot of things going on in my family, and ended up contacting him. We met up last night and today. Last night was one of the hardest nights in my life. I kept my composure more or less for the most part but that began to fade. Sooner or later I found myself crying and him crying as well holding me tight. He was telling me how much he loved and missed me, and knows how stupid he was, and how he hoped we could be together again someday just not right now. We both agreed that we feel like we want to spend the rest of our lives together but both want to be single and do some growing up before we can try again. He told me I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how he never loved anyone like me or had high hopes for me to succeed. He told me he wants me to go places in life because he was dragging me down, and never wanted that for anyone as much as he did me. When I saw him crying for the first time, I really felt like he cared, and that I mattered, and that maybe he was realizing what he had done. I felt like both of us crying showed how much we love and cared for each other, and how much we want this, just not right now. I just don't know what to do. I was handeling the breakup well, and now I seem to have lost focus. I do not want to wait for him forever and I am not even sure if I should believe what he says, and give myself that false hope. I will not put my life on hold fore him. I doubt we will talk for awhile again, he is leaving for tour. I just don't know how to handle this or what to think. Please help?-reply by Rel Belle

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confused and donDealing With A Long Term Relationship Break Up

Hi I'm looking for some help please. I don't know what to do, I've been with my boyfriend for2 years and he's just gone to uni this year, and he's been off with me for last few months, because we don't get to see each other much, so recently we've been on a break and didn't talk at all for about 2 weeks, and now wer back talking again and he keeps saying, 'I don't know' wether he wants to be with me or not, I think I should probably break up with him but I really don't want to. I've given him plently of opportunities to end it but he hasn't so I still think part of him wants to be with me. Am I just being stupid trying to hold on? :(