25 replies to this topic

[Darknesscyshadow]

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Edited by Darknesscyshadow, 01 April 2007 - 02:43 PM.

[Marina]

aww thats sucks, I'm so sorry.

don't worry you will be happy too someday,I guess she wasn't the right girl for you.I think that if she really wanted to get married with you she would have waited.right now it hurts but soon it won't anymore.let times go and do things you love,spend sometimes with your friends it won't take away your pain but you will be able to think about something elses.seeing other people and maybe talk about it with someone you love and trust can be helpful to you.I'm not the best to give advice in those kind of situations but hold on things will get better.

Good luck.

[Darknesscyshadow]

Marina, on Feb 19 2007, 08:41 PM, said:

aww thats sucks, I'm so sorry.

don't worry you will be happy too someday,I guess she wasn't the right girl for you.I think that if she really wanted to get married with you she would have waited.right now it hurts but soon it won't anymore.let times go and do things you love,spend sometimes with your friends it won't take away your pain but you will be able to think about something elses.seeing other people and maybe talk about it with someone you love and trust can be helpful to you.I'm not the best to give advice in those kind of situations but hold on things will get better.

Good luck.

I appreciate your advice alot...Actually for reading it I can say I feel alot better- It means that the things people close to me say just to cheer me up may actually be true in some cases too... I'm going to try to move on with my life- despite the hardship i may face...I guess the main problems I have at the moment are the guilt, the feeling of being insignificant (caused by being replaced) and the shock from iut all happening in just under 2 weeks...

[TypoMage]

That sucks. So she left you. I think she should of waited a little bit longer then maybe things could have gotten better.
I hope you find someone else.

[Darknesscyshadow]

TypoMage, on Feb 19 2007, 09:35 PM, said:

That sucks. So she left you. I think she should of waited a little bit longer then maybe things could have gotten better.
I hope you find someone else.

Thanks alot... I just hope life progresses for now- I'll worry about someone else later.

[Sonophax]

Well...nothing can change the fact that you love her. I doubt that anything has that capability. Time can perhaps change that love into something easier to deal with, easier to commit to memory, rather than letting it burn in your heart.

And in the same way, so can you.

You love her, right? With everything that you are? You want her to be happy...no matter what...right?

Sometimes...and I don't mean to sound cruel or cliched...but the best way to love someone, sometimes, is to let them go. Because you understand that your relationship might not have been destined to make the one you love happy. And... yes, that hurts to think about...to think that maybe it wasn't the best thing...but if you truly love her, then all you want is for her to be happy.

It makes the jealousy easier, for me, because I've dealt with it a lot... I have to keep reminding myself that true love means I want them to be truly happy, even if it means that I'm not in that picture.

And yeah...it hurts.

As for it being your fault...hon, you cannot change the past. You can't go back and you can't undo whatever mistakes happened, because no human has that power. No matter how many times you apologize, no matter how much you wish you could change it, nothing except for time will ever be able to make it truly O.K.

But what you can do--what will help--is resolve to make sure to find what inside of you caused you to slip up...find the things that made you afraid, that made you jealous, or weak, or caused you to act foolishly. Find those things or those circumstances and think about them. Once you can find the source of something, you can change it, if you feel that you need to. You might not be able to change the past, but you -can- change how your future turns out.

And as for moving on...well... I can't offer you too much advice there. But what I can say, is this:

Eat. Even if every bite tastes like ash, even if it hurts to swallow, or makes you gag...make yourself eat three meals a day, even if you don't feel that you have any hunger.

Sleep. I know that with insomnia and grief and pain and jealousy crushing you all at once, it can be hard...but even if you have to do things to exhaust yourself, it is essential that you sleep. Because...in some strange way, when you actually -do- sleep and sleep well, something within you is refreshed. I'm not saying that it'll all be okay in the morning, because it might not...but every day that you pull through is another day that your heart has begun to mend. It's one step closer to the morning when you wake up and you find out "Wow...maybe it -is- going to be okay, after all..."

And...talking to people will help. Writing about it, like you've been doing, is an excellent cathartic measure...it helps you figure things out, clear your mind, even if only a tiny amount.

I'm here, if you need to talk.

[johnsmith]

This is how people are. Humans. They tend to get bored too easily to be true.

In the end it doesn't matter. I'm sorry man, but I feel ya. You'll get over it.

[Autumn]

That definately sucks. I remember something similar happening to me, although I wasn't engaged to her.

Me and this girl were dating and it was going good. I started thinking too much into a little thing, and eventually we broke up. Within a few days, maybe 2, she had a new boyfriend. I asked her if what we had meant anything at all and I don't recall ever getting a straight answer.

Anyhow, you definately should not have thrown the ring into the lake. I would have gotten the money back for it. I know you were angry and wanted nothing to do with the representation of the ring at the time, and there's nothing you can do about it now, but still... You should have discerned a little better.

I do feel sorry for you, though. Any relationship breakup is hard, let alone a relationship where you're engaged. I hope you find a light in your dark tunnel; something to hold onto, for your sake.

Take care.

[Marina]

I really hope you feel better soon.

but don't forget that its things like that who makes us bigger people.its with things like this that we learn.don't worry this breakup will make you a bigger person when you will get better.

[communitykat]

It may make you feel better to tell her the whole story. At least then she knows the whole truth and can make a decision based on that, and you can go on knowing that you gave it your best shot.

Breaking off an engagement is a huge thing. My "husband" and I have been engaged for 5 years. Yeah, that's a long time. We made a date for last fall...but he forgot. I know this is not the same, but I think the effect is the same. You crushed her like she is crushing you right now. Even if you did get back together, the event will always linger in her memory and she will be second guessing whether you really love her or not. You must have had some serious second guessings to call it off. Also, did you talk to her about your feelings before you called it off. Maybe a real heart to heart conversation would have dissipated your fears, but if you did not talk to her, then you have in a way disrespected her, not trusted her, and betrayed her love. Think about it, it was almost like you were saying, "Well, I could take you or leave you, but you are not important enough to me anymore, and I don't even think I have to, or want to discuss it with you." That HURTS BAD. Did she deserve it? Because, and I know you already feel bad, but you did deserve it. Love is a hard thing to nail down...what is it, how many different kinds are there, and why do we want it? Hopefully this experience will give you some experience to go off of with ALL OF YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. No doubt there will be many. I echo myself from a previous post when I say. Don't have sex with the people you date. It allows you to date many people at once, fool around and REALLY SHOP AROUND.