3 replies to this topic

[saur]

I'd been dating this wonderful guy for the past year and fell totally in love with him. I'd learned a lot from past relationships and finally did everything "right" and was ready to put everything I had into it. I'd been very very happy. He is older, and feels pressured to finally figure out what to do with his life so he's headed in the right direction with school and work and is really busy doing so. I've always been supportive, but since he had so much going on, I became involved with all of his stuff and kind of put mine to the side. I had been traveling more than 50 miles to see him 3 times a week or so for about 7 months until I moved to his area to be closer to him. This is where all the trouble began. It was hard for him to see me so much, and though i never asked him to do more than he was capable of, he felt guilty when he couldnt see me. We still remained very happy, however, and had made plans for the future and loved the hell out of each other. A few weeks ago he had found out that he had to leave his apartment and asked to stay with me and i was thrilled. A few days later, however, he was acting strangely and i asked him what was wrong and he wouldnt tell me, but after some more questioning he confessed that he couldnt move in and didnt know if he was in love with me now or ever had been (even though he said it once...he apologized for that when we broke up), because he couldnt give himself to a relationship fully in the current position he was in in his life. I was absolutely devastated and basically immediately dropped more than 10 lbs and developed a severe anxiety reaction (also, members of my family have been in the hospital and were doing poorly, so this didnt help). I realized that I was alone in this city because I had left all of my "stuff" behind, I didn't like my job, my classes or my roommates, and had spent all of my time doing things we loved together. I am not used to sleeping alone and therefore don't really sleep. I have developed an ulcer and the doctor wants me medicated for anxiety for a short time. We have talked almost every day (he checks on me because of this not-eating issue) and have seen each other once so far. We had just planned on hanging out somewhere but I ended up staying over and everything was like it had been. He says he misses me a lot and loves me and I will see him again in a few days. I just dont know what to think of anything and I can't get over it or function normally. I know its still new and has only been about a week and a half but Im totally lost... help!

[Saint_Michael]

First thing to do is CALM DOWN!!! Second thing, just from the sound of it, this relationship seems rush, yeah 7 months is a long time and usually you find out how committed a person can be in a relationship. However, I think the moving in with him kind of blind sided him, and the pressure about what he wants to do with his life didn't help much either. I believe that this break up was for the better because of several things, the first one the rush to move in together, two there is nothing right about relationships if there were, then divorce rates wouldn't be so high, three it slow things down for both of you, and quite frankly you really need it if you developed an ulcer. So with this trial separation it would be good for you to get your priorities straight, get those plans you set aside for yourself back in motion, limit the contact to a few times a week by making use of emails and phone calls and limit the physical contact to maybe 1-2 a week.

Now I don't suggest you do this but it helps to slow things down a bit and maybe redevelop the relationship once again.

[Tweek]

Omg, I am sooooo sorry, I am literally on the verge of tears, but I agree with Saint_Michael im not gunna post anymore on this post since he took what I would of said, and Good Luck!

[iGuest]

Sudden long term relationship breakupSudden Breakup - A Mess

Hi,

I had been dating a great girl for almost eight years, I loved her with all my heart and swore off all other women. I purchased an engagment ring and had planned how to pop the question on her birthday. Then I came home from work one day(mind you two days before our 8 year anniversery) and heard the dreaded "we need to talk". I couldnt believe it, she told me that she was unhappy because we had been together so long she didnt know who she was, and felt we both needed to grow up.She said that we were just best friends and that she didnt love me anymore. I'm 27 and I know exactly who I am and I was happy. She took her bookbag full of  clothes and moved in with a cousin. I tried talking to her but she was very unresponsive to me. Well a week later she came to our shared apartment with about ten family members and a moving van, they moved out in a hurry, laughing and joking while I stood outside alone in disbelief. She took everything, I was left with only a bed and t.V. Stand,literally! taking my cats without me being able to say goodbye. I don't think I can ever get over this disapointment in my life and am unsure that I can ever love or trust anyone again. I have tried all the advice given to me(going out, being with freinds and family and doing gods work) but none of that seems to help. Also , she just started dating my sisters husbands best friend(who is thirty and lives in his mom's basement), so now I am cutoff from events that they will be attending. (I do believe that was all planned out.) I am at a loss and need advice stat before I just move to belize.(We live in a small town and I see her all the time I.E. Went to get food tonight and there she was:(  Any advice would be greatly appreciated no matter how real it is.

-reply by rocky