37 replies to this topic

[sonesay]

Ok I got this problem where when ever I talk to someone my eyes cant stay focused on their eyes for long. Keeping eye contact for me is so hard, Eventually it will go over their features including face, body parts depending on who I am talking to. This is serious I know its rude to stare at people yet I still do it, I'm wondering how many of you do it out there.

It seems I do this to everyone I talk to friends, family, strangers. I feel so bad after the conversation is over and hope I didnt offend them. I know no ones perfect in looks but somehow I just do it. I'm not perfect looking myself, far from it yet I do it to others. The one annoying thing I notice is always looking at peoples teeth. My teeth isnt 100% white, clean and pefect but I still examine others for a second when talking to them, and if its slightly dirty I feel myself going "eww". And if their breath stinks its even worse I'm sure my reaction shows some sign of disgust. I dont mean to judge them but somehow I seem to do this and at most times I cant seem to stop it. Like I said these are everyone, random people, my friends and family.

what are your thoughts on this? please share.

[etycto]

when i hear staring problems is always when someone like sees something especialy someone and the look(stare) at the person mostly unatentionaly.
but if you staring at the persons features is realy noticible then some people might feel affended but most people at the end of the conversation will just think wow that kid is weared. also it's only nature, and i do it a lot also, that we pay attention to the person i'm talking to's heigeine, because your heigeine tend to tell a lot about you and most people want to know about the people they make friends. my mom always said "your mouth is socities way of seeing who you are" or something like that (cant translate it very well).

[t3jem]

I have a problem looking into peoples' eyes too; however, instead of looking at other parts of them I tend to look around the area we're in. I'll look at the wall and stuff, not at them. I think this is just my way of trying not to be rude, but sometimes I think looking away is rude too, I really have no help for you here, sorry.

[csp4.0]

i never, ever try to make eye contact. I always look beyond them, but it still looks like I'm focused in the conversation. I can't even manage a single bit of pure eye contact, for some reason it just feels so wrong, it makes me feel small compared to the person I'm 'eye contacting' and it sort of looks like I'm being 'growled' at by the person I'm 'eye contacting'. Also, like you I notice how a person's teeth, breath, hair etc is... It's just very, very distracting, and another thing is, people tend to make eye contact with you, I find that very scary for some reason, mainly because it makes me looks so small...

[Liam_CF]

t3jem, on Dec 27 2007, 05:32 AM, said:

I have a problem looking into peoples' eyes too; however, instead of looking at other parts of them I tend to look around the area we're in. I'll look at the wall and stuff, not at them. I think this is just my way of trying not to be rude, but sometimes I think looking away is rude too, I really have no help for you here, sorry.

The problem with this is that they might think you are not paying attention to them.

[etycto]

t3jem, on Dec 27 2007, 02:32 AM, said:

I have a problem looking into peoples' eyes too; however, instead of looking at other parts of them I tend to look around the area we're in. I'll look at the wall and stuff, not at them. I think this is just my way of trying not to be rude, but sometimes I think looking away is rude too, I really have no help for you here, sorry.

it's not very rude because where i'm when you're speeking to an adult you're not supose to look at them in the eye it's a sighn of respect i always did do that whenever i'm speaking to an adult but i never noticed that i did until someone mentiened something about that and i was like ohhh now that makes sonce.

[iGuest]

any input?
Staring Problem

I am forced to stare at people when I don't want to. In a movie theater, I will stare at people that are surrounding that are in my field of view even though I am watching the movie.

I tell myself not to look at them because it feels uncomfortable even for me and I can not not look at the people which I am trying not to look at. Also if I am watching tv with friends I am forced to look at them and it feels awkward unless I completely block them out of my field of view.

Even if I have just one of their feet in my sight I will try and look at the foot- but at the same time, I am watching the tv. Who knew this was possible? I didn't and I am dreading the fact that it is. Any advice? Any idea?

-tank

[iGuest]

i do the same thing!
Staring Problem

Well first of all hows it going? I myself could be better, ive got the flu.. Well I have the same problem as you! I don't know how long you have done this but I just started about 3 months ago..

It really stresses me out tho because I do it to everyone, family and friends... Also I know they notice I do it and its just so awkward... I was thinking I have OCD or something...

I'm here to figure it out cuz I don't know what to do. But just knowing that someone else does the same thing I feel better... Anyway email me back if you want to know more.. I sure would like to know more about your story... My names, I hope all goes well with you... I figure if you find someone that does the same it will help, helps me to know I'm not the only one and I'm not losing it... Take care!

ULI

-ME TOO

[Evolke]

If you struggle to look at their eyes, maybe try look at their eyelashes, or somthing close to their eyes. That way it will look like your still looking at this eyes ... maybe ...

[salamangkero]

I used to have this problem too, before. I'd look at a person's eyes, notice their teeth, scrutinize their zits, if they have any, look at their nose, study their ears and, generally, let my eyes wander all over their face. People would ask me then, "You're not paying attention, are you?" and I'd answer, "Yeah... no wait, what was that again?"

See, the fact that one looks or scrutinizes another person's physical appearance means that one's attention is drawn towards the other person's face. In other words, the problem is not in where the eyes are focused, rather, its is where the attention is focused. For me, the problem was solved when I really listened. When you put your mind into it, you wouldn't care about how people would react or how you look like looking at them. Instead, you'd be conjuring pictures in your mind as you try to visualize what they're really talking about.

When I asked a friend how I look like (physically) when they talk to me, they said, "Oh I dunno. Your eyes are roaming... one moment, they're connecting with mine, another, they're drawing figures in the air, then they'd crawl all over my face but, generally, they flicker."

"Flicker?"

"Yeah, they don't move in smooth continuous curves, rather, they move jerkily, like, uhm... like REM cycle." REM cycle, is the stage of sleep when the eyes flicker under closed lids, which coincides with what we call "dreaming". Anyway, she went on to say that my eyebrows move a lot, almost independent of each other, and that my eyes are the most evident cue that I am listening, or reacting, to what she's saying.

Anyway, the only suggestion I can give is try not to think too much about it. The more you focus on the objects of your gaze, the more you lose focus over the conversation that really mattered. A friend of mine once imparted to me a fable, which you may find helpful:

The centipede and the crow met. Said the crow, "How on earth do you crawl smoothly, with all those legs?" The centipede replied, "I dunno. I just do it." Said the crow, "It must be hard to control all those limbs," and with that, flew away. The centipede pondered over this. It tried to think on how it was able to control all those legs. Awkwardly, it took a few steps but, now, it noticed that some legs were lifting on their own. It tried to be conscious of the movement of each and every leg. That poor centipede has walked funny ever since.

[cadastro]

Oh my, that's my problem too. I can't focus my eyes to someone's eyes while conversing. Worse, when I talk to a woman - with plunging neckline, with unbuttoned button, in body-fit shirt... So embarrassing that even old women had to grab their neckline while I am talking to them. Please help me!

[sweet_princess]

Believe me, this is not much of problem.

I tend to stare straight through ones eyes when I am communicating with them. Some people get scared, while others think I like them. The worst is when people break out smiling or laughing.
Maybe it is because nobody thinks I'm serious.
But when I do give eye contact whilst someone is talking to me, they think of it as a little too 'extreme'.

Don't worry if you can't give direct eye contact. You're not supposed to do it for a long time anyway. Give them eye contact for a few seconds when you're talking to someone/someone is talking to you. When you can't take it any longer, look around the room to give the illusion that you are thinking about what they are saying. And as long as you are really thinking, your response will be much better than just an 'eww'. Lol.

Good luck!
From a person with the opposite problem

[Misanthrope]

Quote

And if their breath stinks its even worse I'm sure my reaction shows some sign of disgust.

I was scrolling through your profile when this post caught my eye, and after reading through a few lines I could barely hold back the laughter. Where's a rolling on the floor smiley when you need it? This is hilarious! I too have a difficult time gazing into someone's eye's for any length of time, but I don't consider it a problem, per se, just a personal quirk that's probably pissed off more than a few extroverts who've had the misfortune of meeting the Enlightened Misanthrope in person. For one thing, I find myself feeling nauseous when close enough to actually smell someone's foul breath - and let's face it, few things smell nastier than a human mouth that hasn't received it's proper cleaning. I'm always horrified how long some folks go between brushings, literally allowing their teeth to decay and fall out before realizing something is desperately wrong with that big hole in their face. Speaking of holes, those two little crevices under the eyebrows also make me feel ill if I'm forced to stare into them for very long. I become dizzy, and soon find myself backing away from the holes in question, or averting my gaze elsewhere - anywhere but those two holes. But that can be difficult when interacting with the miscreant with no personal boundaries. You know the type. They get so physically close you have nowhere to look but their eyes and nothing to breathe but their foul breath. And then there's Hollywood. That filthy institution that glorifies long, romantic stares between paid actors who regretfully influence the masses. Thankfully, I'm sitting here on a computer in front of a sterile screen that doesn't force me to stare into it's loving pixels any longer than I feel comfortable. No rank odors and no physical interaction. How divine!

[sonesay]

haha yeah you wouldnt believe my luck, there is this pretty asian girl in some of my classes at uni so I start talking to her and oh my as soon as she spoke that foul smell started coming my way ; ;. I couldnt take it she was a nice girl and all but I had to keep my distance. Makes me wish I could use my avatar at the time. :fart: What a shame.

[iGuest]

alteast this is a know conditionStaring Problem

 I have had this problem for some time now, it has grown worse over the years. 

According to me some of the staring action is involuntary. We encounter a stimuli and react to it in a certain way - in our case converstion, or simply watching something else gets us to react in a manner we don't like. Solving the problem will definately include learning how to change our responses to the stimuli.

for those on the posts - who consider staring as normal. Please note the mention is not about normal staring, but about a behavior that gets back un welcome responses. If somebody does figure out a way, please let us all know. 

-reply by Someonethere

[iGuest]

I will stare into somebody's eye without wanting to because my left eye feel gridiness. Sometimes my lower left eyelid will shut on its own. I also feel puffiness behind my eyes. Do you think this could be thyroid eye disease?

-reply by Lex Rothman

[syd_]

FeedBacker, on Jan 5 2008, 01:31 AM, said:

any input?
Staring Problem

I am forced to stare at people when I don't want to. In a movie theater, I will stare at people that are surrounding that are in my field of view even though I am watching the movie.

I tell myself not to look at them because it feels uncomfortable even for me and I can not not look at the people which I am trying not to look at. Also if I am watching tv with friends I am forced to look at them and it feels awkward unless I completely block them out of my field of view.

Even if I have just one of their feet in my sight I will try and look at the foot- but at the same time, I am watching the tv. Who knew this was possible? I didn't and I am dreading the fact that it is. Any advice? Any idea?

-tank

Hi
I have the same problem, it started about two weeks ago for no reason. It's really annoyning. Did you find any way to stop this?

PS: Sorry for the thread digging and for my english.

[inverse_bloom]

Some of these symptoms are actually associated with OCD, on the onset of these problems has anyone found you were in a highly stressed or tired period in your life?

By doing an action like the ones mentioned in the above posts (even just once), it may cause guilt, shame or embarrassment for a person. So they intensely focus on trying to suppress the action which cruelly can have the opposite effect and repeat itself, its weird logic but too true.

Eventually, if you repeat through this cycle too much you develop obsessive compulsive symptoms and the only solution is to stop suppressing to get over it!

Edited by inverse_bloom, 01 June 2009 - 09:01 AM.

[iGuest]

I recently faced the same problem, but I think the reason why is how I recently was spending my life. Getting drunk everyday. Getting high by smoking and other kind of drugs such as LSD and cock. After that I noticed that when I'm normal I can not stare at anyones eyes. I will look into his eyes for three seconds then change the look to somewhere else and back to his eyes or any other place. Just like searching for a place to keep your eyes on for awhile. I even forgot how I used to look into people before, now I have stopped all kind of dugs but still cant stare normally. I know I look uncomfortable when talkin to someone. And once I challenge myself to look straight to ones eyes I look like giving him a devil stare. What I think its something in our minds. We have reached by mistake another level of thoughts that is most likely wrong. I noticed when I talk to somebody my mind will keep spinning here and there and listnening to him at the same time. Kind of losing innocence that really pissed me off.

[iGuest]

and i thought i was the only oneStaring Problem

So yes, I also think I have the same "problem" as all of you guys: ITend to 'look' or 'stare' into people's eyes for a period of time andTransfer my stare to a different person or focus on something else. ISubconsciously do it but at the same time, just like all of you, I knowI'm doing it. I started to develop this bad habit when I startedRealizing how funny it was to stare at people and change my facialExpressions, seeing how it would also change their expressions. I got aKick out of it for a while, only because I would be pretty high andDidn't really care. However, it started to develop to the point where IWould do it when I'm not even high, and it's hard for me to even showMyself in public to people because of the fact that I just constantlyDo it. Even at parties, at the mall, or even with my good friends, IGenerally will put my head down and "look/stare." Even worse, I haveTendencies to over-analyze the situation of me staring and it just putsMe in a STUCK situation where I just listen to my ownself rather thanHaving fun with my friends. But sometimes we all have to realize it'sJust a sign of being self-conscious, and that we need to build ourSelf-confidence with people. I noticed that, with this bad habit, itCan result to a "memory loss" of remembering people and what they say.It's definitely a hard problem to fix but it's all up the the person toFigure it out. Just like what etycto's mom said, the mouth canGenerally help cope with this issue by smiling. 

It's been monthsThat I still continue or "feel like" I still possess this problem. ButWe just need to all find interests or people we feel comfortable with,To have a good time with, to eliminate it. And I definitely can say I'mGradually getting better.

[iGuest]

opinionStaring Problem

well, I have made alot of researches regarding this issue as I myself do also have the same problem, and I have figured out something, the main reason is dilated pupils. And pupils got dilated for many reasons. And the most common are eye drops and drugs such as cock, majic mashrooms and LSD.

when your pupils got dilated  your eyesight will be focusing only on one point. You will not look to things normally cuz each look u make is a stare. And looking in one point only for along time is something hard to do without practicing.

with normal pupils the image will be wide so u wont feel like your staring and u don't need to keep moving your eyes, with dilated pupils if u r talking to someone u will look to his eyes. And while looking to his eyes and because your pupils are dilated the image will be small and the look will be very tight. So once u look to him and tried to keep your eye on his u will feel like if u r looking directly to his puple only and kinda passing through his eye.I know how hard it is to do so.

theres sometihng u can do that will help a bit..

we all have two eyes..One is soft and one is dominant.

first of all point with your finger to anything infront of u. Close one of your eyes and use the other one. Then do it again closing the other one...The one that makes your finger closer to the object your pointing to is your dominant eye..

if u r talking to a girl u want to flirt with use the triangle look; by looking to the right eye , left and then to her lips..Or if u can do it after practicing, use your soft eye for staring. Your soft one only..

if u r talking to someone u don't like or u just want to mess with his ideas , use your dominant eye and keep staring at his soft one, with that u will lock his eyes..

if u are talking to more than one person u can just move your eyes from one to another and also the easiest way to look while your talking is to look between the eyes, u will make him feel like if ure looking at him while actually u r not..

use your hands while talking and play with your facial expressions.

for practicing, look to any small dot infront of u 1m far and keep staring at for one minute for one week. At the beginning it will be tough. The next week look at the mirror, use your dominant eye and keep staring at your soft one .. Tough but after practicing u will get a better look a bit wider image and the most important thing is to stop DRUGS especially the mentioned above. For pots and smokes it has nothing to do with that . But still it doesnt mean that I'm encouraging to smoke.. 

-reply by tornado

[buxgoddess]

I remember in school we used to play the 'Stare Game'. All that was needed was to keep staring without blinking the eyes. It all needed three people to the minimum. Two of us would stare and one would be a judge. I almost lost every time. I get easily distracted by maybe the ear ring, or the bindi, and blink my eyes.

One incident which is very memorable for me was when we were playing and our science teacher came in. I was determined not to lose and so I kept on looking straight in the eyes of Natasha. I only realised after some time that my science teacher was also staring at me. The very next moment I took off the eyes and looked at him he asked me to come over to his table. I was sure I will be punished but he had other plans. He asked me to pull in a chair and sit in front of him. Immediately he challenged me for the game. However he said, not more than five minutes in case no one wins. I lost in less than one minute's time. The next thing was, we got to treat from Sir in the canteen for his win. I think it was very daring for me to take up the challenge in the first place. I still not know what his thoughts were about me but I liked him. Not only as a teacher but also as a person.

The stare game still continues between our friends and that perticular incident will always be a memorable one for me. Natasha once in a while would tease me and ask what I saw in his eyes that I pulled off so early. I never replied.

[anwiii]

insecurity. that's why people stare. insecurity. when people reailze certain facts about themselves is when change can occur. not until then. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samy30]

FeedBacker, on Jan 5 2008, 01:31 AM, said:

any input?

Staring Problem



I am forced to stare at people when I don't want to. In a movie theater, I will stare at people that are surrounding that are in my field of view even though I am watching the movie.

I tell myself not to look at them because it feels uncomfortable even for me and I can not not look at the people which I am trying not to look at. Also if I am watching tv with friends I am forced to look at them and it feels awkward unless I completely block them out of my field of view.

Even if I have just one of their feet in my sight I will try and look at the foot- but at the same time, I am watching the tv. Who knew this was possible? I didn't and I am dreading the fact that it is. Any advice? Any idea?

-tank

OMG I do exactly the same thing, I've been doing it for over two years now and is very uncomfortable. I've been on medication for around this time as well since my doctor said it was an ocd but I am really tired of it I really don't know what's going to happen with me everything you describe is exactly what I do. But why, why do I this? =(

[phpphp]

sonesay, on Dec 27 2007, 01:30 AM, said:

Ok I got this problem where when ever I talk to someone my eyes cant stay focused on their eyes for long. Keeping eye contact for me is so hard, Eventually it will go over their features including face, body parts depending on who I am talking to. This is serious I know its rude to stare at people yet I still do it, I'm wondering how many of you do it out there.

It seems I do this to everyone I talk to friends, family, strangers. I feel so bad after the conversation is over and hope I didnt offend them. I know no ones perfect in looks but somehow I just do it. I'm not perfect looking myself, far from it yet I do it to others. The one annoying thing I notice is always looking at peoples teeth. My teeth isnt 100% white, clean and pefect but I still examine others for a second when talking to them, and if its slightly dirty I feel myself going "eww". And if their breath stinks its even worse I'm sure my reaction shows some sign of disgust. I dont mean to judge them but somehow I seem to do this and at most times I cant seem to stop it. Like I said these are everyone, random people, my friends and family.

what are your thoughts on this? please share.

this is the problem and you should start work on it. there is always reason behind these kind of problem try to find that and work on that. People get offended when you see their body features. I suggest you to talk with doctor...