7 replies to this topic

[midapower]

Hey there people. Now this is my first time in this site and I'm really excited about this . So there's this issue that has been nearly buggin' me for a very lon time... I'm happy with my friendships in my life, but mostly i sense that i'm a totally outsider and that i'm not in the group anymore, like they sometimes forget me or whatever. And to make it more prettier, I have some acquaintances that i'd love to befriend but it's as if they're sometimes running from me , although we get along really fine.

I'm not lonely or anything, but i'd like it if u people have some advice to know what's the issue in my situation. So if u have anything useful just bring it on!
And thanks.

[guangdian]

do not mind of others,just enjoy your life,the life your own

[TheBlessedOne]

Many people...actually more than 70% of the people in the world think that problems are caused by outer source but as the wise men said "The life is such as you made it" so it depends on you. You see yourselve as an outsider, but is there someone who called you outsider... no? Well, then it's only in your vision so if you become dependent on this illusion you make it real, it materializes itself because you allow it to exist. It's like this: Question: "Which people are slaves?" ... "These who allowed to be enslaved"... think about that ...

[jammy467]

Hi,

One alternative is, of course, is that they are not as good friends as you think in which case stopworrying about it and maybe you need to get some new ones.

The previous post kinda said it. What you are experiencing is caused by your own thinking. Without realising it you are projecting the idea that you are like the way you describe and others are picking up on it. Like projecting yourself as a bit of a loner.

I bet if you asked any one of them they'd tell you that they thought you weren't that interested. Incidentally have you done that?
If you have good friends then mention it to them.

It seems you probably have fairly low self confidence and maybe low self esteem. Perhaps you hold yourself back because of that.

If you want ot get involved in things then you should just do it. Don't wait to be invited because the chances are you won't be because as I've mentioned people probably don't think you are that interested. You'd be involved in much more when you get yourself invovled. If the people are your friends then they will welcome you so you don't need to worry about not fitting in or just being in the way.

It's not easy to change attitude and thinking but it can be done. When you feel yourself being left out take a step forward and get involved.

[Bluebear]

I thought a bit about your problem, and the main essence of it all is that if you want to feel like a member of the group involve yourself. I have a very silent yet kind friend, that never says anything. It can be really annoying, and sometimes I do not want to hang out with her at school because of the fact that she does not involve herself. Sometimes it feels like she just wants someone to spend time with at school, so others will not think at here as an "outsider."

I got really annoyed of this before, and as the spambear I am, I always talk a lot around her. (Mostly about things that have no meaning at all.) I am just trying to fill the gap, but it does not seem to work. And what do I do? I run away, I just do not want to hang around someone like that. It is like she just do not want to be an outsider.

So this is what I think your problem is all about; confidence. You need the confidence to get out there, share your meanings and get new friends. It is possible that your friends are tired and bored of you; you need to go for it! It is not necessarily the world that needs to change, it could be you. I do not have one or two best friends, but I have a lot of friends. When I am able to just hang out with them, without doing or saying anything then I know that I am comfortable around them.

You say that you get along with your friends just fine, but are you sure about that? Have you ever considered trying to make some new friends? Change is sometimes very good, and I think that would be good for you. When your friends are running away you have two options; get involved or make some new friends.

So get out there, and good luck!

[markyy]

[I'm happy with my friendships in my life, but mostly i sense that i'm a totally outsider and that i'm not in the group anymore,]

Hello

I note that you said you were happy with your friendships but mostly you sense you are an outsider. Its sounds as if you are confused about whether you are really cared about in the world. Somehow you are feeling disconnected from others. I think we sometimes spend too much time wondering about this or that -- causing us to become anxious. Stop wondering about whether you are or are not cared about and check out the facts ! If a couple of your friends are close -- tell them how you are feeling and see if corroborate or challenge you are feeling. Remember that all feelings are valid but the reasons we think we are feeling a certain way may not be valid. Make a list of two or three things you can do to try and sort out your feelings and then committ to acting on them.

Mark Weiss Counseling /Psychotherapy

Edited by markyy, 10 May 2008 - 07:42 AM.

[thecolorchangingfedora]

I dunno, that tends to happen to me. Maybe you should talk to them more often? It may just be that they're forming bonds when you're not there--not intentionally, mind. Maybe just make more of an effort to hang out with them? Like, invite them to see a movie or something.

[Striker9]

TheBlessedOne, on Mar 27 2008, 10:55 PM, said:

Many people...actually more than 70% of the people in the world think that problems are caused by outer source but as the wise men said "The life is such as you made it" so it depends on you. You see yourselve as an outsider, but is there someone who called you outsider... no? Well, then it's only in your vision so if you become dependent on this illusion you make it real, it materializes itself because you allow it to exist. It's like this: Question: "Which people are slaves?" ... "These who allowed to be enslaved"... think about that ...

I totally agree on this one. I think there's nothing wrong between you and your friends but you're just creating an illusion that there's something wrong and you're actually living this illusion! If you keep on worrying about whether they like you or not and whether you have a good relationship with your friends or you're an outcast then even if it's not true, you might have convinced your sub-conscious that you are really an outcast and eventually you'll start to believe it and this will make you anxious and always worried about it. So the first thing to do is stop worrying about it and just chill! The next thing you have to do is just like the others have said: you have to get involved! Share in the discussions, talk to them, invite them over to your place or any other place, just do something! And there gotta be something wrong about your self confidence cuz from what you've said I could clearly see that you have a very low self confidence and you need to work on that. When you are with your friends, if you got something to say or a joke to share or anything be brave and say it! Don't think that they might laugh at you or that they might not like what you say, you're just worrying too much. "Just do it!", that's what you should always keep in mind. And I should also add that if you're close to a friend tell him/her about your problem and ask them to tell you whether you are right or not honestly. In addition, try to seek for some new friends, find people that share same interests as you, and people you feel comfortable around them. Wish you all the best buddy, good luck and I hope you'll get over this problem