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Strange Situation With My Friend And This Girl Its complicated...


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#1 cangor

cangor

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Posted 17 November 2008 - 06:17 AM

Hey everyone.

Basically, a friend of mine approached me a couple of days ago and told me he likes this girl. Apparently, he finally "put himself out there" according to him, which was just asking her out to a movie "sometime," and she said sure. He and this girl are pretty good friends, so this is no surprise, cause she probably just took it as a friendly gesture anyway. I of course knew he liked her long before he told me anyway, it was just so obvious...or maybe I just notice this stuff. Anyway, my friend tells me that he did this that evening, so we're talking, and I admit to him that I kinda like this girl too, pretty much because she's one of my best friends, so it's understandable. After a lot of discussion, I tell my friend that he should tell her he likes her, first of all because what he did today basically amounted to nothing, despite his shyness around girls. I also say that I'd rather he tell her that he likes her than me tell her I like her because I've got plenty of close friends who are girls whereas he doesn't really have anyone else he could be with. Everything was a lot more complicated than that, but that's the abridged version. We talk for a while about how stressed and awkward this makes us both feel, then we talk about what possible outcomes we could have that would make us collectively the most happy, but I just tell him to tell her, secondly, because knowing he likes her basically makes any behavior on my part that could be considered flirtatious like slapping him in the face, which I obviously don't want cause he's my good friend. Also, I'd rather he just get if over with, cause I don't deal with uncertainty very well, and I'd get over him being with her a lot faster than I would this awkward situation of my friend liking a girl I do, and I'd be able to be happy for both of them really quick.
So, he tells her, and she basically says that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I'm relieved but at the same time I feel bad for my friend, cause it's kinda my fault for telling him to tell her. However, at the same time, I realize and tell him that it's a really important learning experience and he'll be glad he did it someday, and I tell him about the first time I did what he did...
Well, I still like this girl, and I could probably get together with her right now if I wanted to, but I don't because she broke up with a guy for understandable reasons a few months ago and she's not really ready for a relationship in my eyes yet, and I want to be able to be her friend without weirdness and stuff. My friend's still feeling kinda bad though and says he's going to be brooding over this for a long time, even though I keep being reassuring and telling him that what he did wasn't a terrible mistake. At the same time I feel partially responsible.

That's a really shortened version of the whole thing, and I'll see how things develop, but I was just wondering if someone had advice for me in what I could to to help my friend, cause I'm trying to be the best friend I can to him without totally sacrificing myself (which I did in the past in a similar situation because I felt it was more important than just me), but I feel like I'm not doing too well.

Thanks :lol:
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