20 replies to this topic

[candlelight]

Hello everyone, I am new here. I just need some advice because I am very upset over a break-up, which the relationship lasted for 4 years. We actually did not agree and verbally discuss we were not going to see each other, we just stopped calling each other. I really got angry with him for canceling plans with me on Thanksgiving, and going to spend it with his kids and ex. To me I feel he has no business spending time with his ex on holidays, he should be with me. But anyway, I was fuming, and I yelled, cursed, screamed, called him everything I could think of. After that, I called him 2 days later and said we needed to talk without the shouting so we went out for a drink and came back to my house to talk (no physical contact). He explained to me over, and over there is nothing going on with him and his ex. The next day I intentionally did not wake him up on time to take his kids to school, and he was 4 hours late picking them up (I know, that was bad), but I did not think so at the time. I called him again a week later because he was supposed to buy a bed for me, so that's the only reason I called him again. I mentioned it and he said he would call me later, haven't heard from him since (his birthday was the following week, and I didn't call him) although he sent me a text on New Year's Eve, only wishing me a happy New Year. I responded the next day "U2". He also called me restricted at 3:00 am, I knew it was him. Sorry if I digress, I am just sad, mad, and everything else you feel during a break-up. I'm wondering if we would get back together because in spite of everything else, he was good to me. He gave me mostly everthing I wanted, I say mostly because he wouldn't buy me anything he thought wasn't useful (like a $700 designer purse, *smile*). And he even invested in helping me with my braces. He gave me money for them every other month. I wonder why he hasn't tried to contact me anymore other than that one time after 4 years. Wouldn't he want to know if my braces are off or just to talk to me to see how I am doing? I know he is an "ex" and he is not obligated to contact me anymore, but 4 years is a long time to be with someone and just forget about them, and I did not actually get any real closure. I don't have many friends so I don't go out to clubs or bars much since we've broken up. I spend most of my time with family or I just come home and try and stay busy. I have not contacted him since the text. I do not plan to unless he contacts me. I would just like some advice. Thanks.

[Echo_of_thunder]

candlelight, on Jan 11 2009, 11:11 PM, said:

Hello everyone, I am new here. I just need some advice because I am very upset over a break-up, which the relationship lasted for 4 years. We actually did not agree and verbally discuss we were not going to see each other, we just stopped calling each other. I really got angry with him for canceling plans with me on Thanksgiving, and going to spend it with his kids and ex. To me I feel he has no business spending time with his ex on holidays, he should be with me. But anyway, I was fuming, and I yelled, cursed, screamed, called him everything I could think of. After that, I called him 2 days later and said we needed to talk without the shouting so we went out for a drink and came back to my house to talk (no physical contact). He explained to me over, and over there is nothing going on with him and his ex. The next day I intentionally did not wake him up on time to take his kids to school, and he was 4 hours late picking them up (I know, that was bad), but I did not think so at the time. I called him again a week later because he was supposed to buy a bed for me, so that's the only reason I called him again. I mentioned it and he said he would call me later, haven't heard from him since (his birthday was the following week, and I didn't call him) although he sent me a text on New Year's Eve, only wishing me a happy New Year. I responded the next day "U2". He also called me restricted at 3:00 am, I knew it was him. Sorry if I digress, I am just sad, mad, and everything else you feel during a break-up. I'm wondering if we would get back together because in spite of everything else, he was good to me. He gave me mostly everthing I wanted, I say mostly because he wouldn't buy me anything he thought wasn't useful (like a $700 designer purse, *smile*). And he even invested in helping me with my braces. He gave me money for them every other month. I wonder why he hasn't tried to contact me anymore other than that one time after 4 years. Wouldn't he want to know if my braces are off or just to talk to me to see how I am doing? I know he is an "ex" and he is not obligated to contact me anymore, but 4 years is a long time to be with someone and just forget about them, and I did not actually get any real closure. I don't have many friends so I don't go out to clubs or bars much since we've broken up. I spend most of my time with family or I just come home and try and stay busy. I have not contacted him since the text. I do not plan to unless he contacts me. I would just like some advice. Thanks.

okay for one thing. you said with his Ex and kids. Im sorry but that is one thing that erks me. Being from a divorced family where my father had split when I was young and he never spend any holidays with us. You have to think of how that would make his kids feel not yourself. that to me is being selfish. honestly from what I am reading of what your saying? sounds as you do not trust him or his judgement. sorry to be to the point but thats how your comming across with this

My advice is this. and you and alot of others my not like it and disagree. grow up. stop thinking of yourself and think of others ( His Kids ) because if and this is a very big if. what if the day comes and the 2 of you do get back together and get married. they will be your kids too.

[cemeteryrecords]

Echo_of_thunder, on Jan 11 2009, 09:33 PM, said:

okay for one thing. you said with his Ex and kids. Im sorry but that is one thing that erks me. Being from a divorced family where my father had split when I was young and he never spend any holidays with us. You have to think of how that would make his kids feel not yourself. that to me is being selfish. honestly from what I am reading of what your saying? sounds as you do not trust him or his judgement. sorry to be to the point but thats how your comming across with this

My advice is this. and you and alot of others my not like it and disagree. grow up. stop thinking of yourself and think of others ( His Kids ) because if and this is a very big if. what if the day comes and the 2 of you do get back together and get married. they will be your kids too.

Echo, I could not agree more. I didn't even read the entire topic starter. As soon as I saw the she was angry because he was going to see his kids, i had already read enough. How could anybody be angry that a father was going to visit his kids for the holidays?? With all the divorce, and fathers leaving their kids these days, I respect any man that still goes to see his kids like that. Even though it's expected of them, so many don't care nowadays. So how could ANYBODY get upset about this? Candlelight: You may think he's ditching you for his Ex, but I personally believe it was for his kids! I mean, think how happy his kids were to see their dad! If anything, you should apologize to him for even being mad about his choice to see his kids...I don't know your life situations, but think how you would've felt if you did/didn't get to see your dad on Thanksgiving...

[candlelight]

Guys look, I was not mad at the fact he went to see his kids for the holidays, just that he's with his ex playing a happy family, like they were still together, and totally ditched me and did not see me at all. I feel if your in a relationship and holidays come around, there should be time made for the kids, and the person an individual is with. I don't have any kids so I don't understand how divorced/ or separated people have that sort of agreement. Your right echo, maybe I do need to grow up and stop being selfish but I never experienced any thing like this before, and have no idea how a cordial relationship continues after marriage and kids. Just a little too close for comfort to me.

[cemeteryrecords]

A lot of times the parents will try to stay close, as to comfort the children, and make them think that nothing has really changed. Because a lot of kids believe it is their fault when parents seperate, so they stay close, as to, once again, to comfort the child. So all of this is in the best intrest the lil ones.
and you said you didnt understand the whole divorce thing...have you ever asked him about it? just a thought

[Echo_of_thunder]

candlelight, on Jan 12 2009, 12:40 AM, said:

Guys look, I was not mad at the fact he went to see his kids for the holidays, just that he's with his ex playing a happy family, like they were still together, and totally ditched me and did not see me at all. I feel if your in a relationship and holidays come around, there should be time made for the kids, and the person an individual is with. I don't have any kids so I don't understand how divorced/ or separated people have that sort of agreement. Your right echo, maybe I do need to grow up and stop being selfish but I never experienced any thing like this before, and have no idea how a cordial relationship continues after marriage and kids. Just a little too close for comfort to me.

well that is how you came across in your topic Candlight. Kids and I do not know how many he has or there ages, do have feelings and can be hurt so easy, even more so on holidays and birthdays too. so be prepard for this sort of thing. Willing to bet ya he was there playing a happy family only for the kids.

Just put some trust into him, and yourself. that is the biggiest part of growing up and being in a realationship of any kind trusting one another. Maybe wrong but you strike me as the jealous type. Put the green eyed moster to bed. learn to trust.

GL

[candlelight]

cemeteryrecords, on Jan 12 2009, 04:48 AM, said:

A lot of times the parents will try to stay close, as to comfort the children, and make them think that nothing has really changed. Because a lot of kids believe it is their fault when parents seperate, so they stay close, as to, once again, to comfort the child. So all of this is in the best intrest the lil ones.
and you said you didnt understand the whole divorce thing...have you ever asked him about it? just a thought

Yes I have. He told me nothing was going on between them. I think I am more upset because I never met this children after 4 years, and I always thought that it was because of the ex. And he has told me before that before our relationship, women would not want to get involved with him because he has children. Even though I don't have any, I was willing to be in a relationship with him anyway. And 4 years is quite a while to not know or have some form of relationship with the children.

[candlelight]

[quote name='Echo_of_thunder' date='Jan 12 2009, 04:51 AM' post='427892']
well that is how you came across in your topic Candlight. Kids and I do not know how many he has or there ages, do have feelings and can be hurt so easy, even more so on holidays and birthdays too. so be prepard for this sort of thing. Willing to bet ya he was there playing a happy family only for the kids.

Just put some trust into him, and yourself. that is the biggiest part of growing up and being in a realationship of any kind trusting one another. Maybe wrong but you strike me as the jealous type. Put the green eyed moster to bed. learn to trust.

GL

I am the jealous type. Everyone gets jealous every now and then. What if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me with children, and he did not, and I went to spend Thanksgiving, or any holiday with my ex. I am quite certain, he would have gotten jealous too.

[cemeteryrecords]

I believe he never let you meet his children is because that complicates things for them. As I said in my earlier post, it can be hard for them already, let alone saying, "hey kids, meet mommy #2!", (yes i know your not monny #2, but i just wanted to say that ) so to keep things as easy and simple for the children, daddy not with another woman, to their knowledge, is the easiest way.

EDIT: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH! HIT THE BRAKES!!! I DIDN'T SEE THAT BEFORE!

Quote

I am the jealous type. Everyone gets jealous every now and then. What if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me with children, and he did not, and I went to spend Thanksgiving, or any holiday with my ex. I am quite certain, he would have gotten jealous too.

Yea! I'm sure he'd be jealous that a mother was spending a holiday with her kids... C'mon now!

Edited by truefusion, 24 January 2009 - 03:42 AM.

[candlelight]

cemeteryrecords, on Jan 12 2009, 05:07 AM, said:

I believe he never let you meet his children is because that complicates things for them. As I said in my earlier post, it can be hard for them already, let alone saying, "hey kids, meet mommy #2!", (yes i know your not monny #2, but i just wanted to say that ) so to keep things as easy and simple for the children, daddy not with another woman, to their knowledge, is the easiest way.

True, but his children are not that young. Youngest is 16 and oldest 22. I am sure if they knew daddy had another woman, they would have been resiliant. I could see if they were 6 and 12, it wouldv'e been different. It is not like they wouldn't understand their parents are not together anymore. I just feel like he's giving his children false hope, and living a lie, like a facade.