15 replies to this topic

[iGuest]

Hi...As u said...God gave u tat girl...And he only took the girl back...Tats correct...C actually God loves u a lot...Personally I could say...Sh is not worthy to be your girl...Coz love shouldn't disppear...When struggles...Through familes or any other ways...Whn sh was commited to u should have faced the problem...But wat did sh do...Sh just gave u reason...But still sh din din keep quiet sh started going around with other guy laughing and going around with other guy...I'm sure a true love cannot do all these things...I knw wen I'm talking abt tat girl like tis...It wil hurt you...But I'm very sorry but tis is fact tat u need to und...Thinking abt the past and those sweet memories your not going to gain anything...Isn't it...But u can show and share your pure love to the girl who is worth for it...Your love shld be useful and shld be shared to the girl who actually requires it...So to get the right girl u shld wait...God din wanted your love to be wasted...So he has saved u frm tat girl infact...In life...Some times we will not know y God made us to suffer frm some pain...But I'm sure if gv time and trust in God,...U will know the answer for it...HE KNOWS U HE LOVES U...MORE THAN ANYONE IN THIS WORLD...Your TRUST AND CONFIDENCE IN MAN MIGHT BREAK your HEART...BUT your TRUST AND CONFIDENCE IN MAN WIL SAVE AND KEEP your LIFE HAPPY...I just wanna to say...God has kept an beautiful angel for u who will care and love u more than your expectaion...Ok...But u need to gv it in God's hand...

I will help u with a prayer...Just try sayiing it ...I'm very sure it will help you...And comfort u...

Say...Lord thank u for wat ever u have done...So far...I feel u gave me her and u took her back...But I don y...But I trust tat wat u have is fr good..Gv me answer for y u did tis God...Lord its really painful...But no one can cure tis...U alone can gv back my happiness lord...Make me to forget her thoughts, and comfort me lord...The decision wat I took went wrong...So frm now on...I will not take any decision regarding...The girl of my life...From now on I commit my life...Completly in your hand u take control...U gv me wat u feel is correct...I'll wait for u...

U follow tis...U will experience the true love...Tat your longing for...My dear friend...

Change your self by spending time with your friends...But note...Not by getting into any wrong doings ok:-)...Watch TV...Don't listen to music and al...Ok..Play games...Try to be happy as much as u can...Increase u happiness everyday...Gradually it wil decrease the pain of missing her...Coz I' very much experienced in tis,...Tats y I'm saying,,

Thinking about the past...Hardens your pain...

Thinking abt the future...Makes u fear...

Thinking abt the present gvs u Happiness...

So think only about the present...Say to urself rite now...Tat your God's child...I have forgotten HER,...and make sure u avoid thinking of her,,my dear friend...

C u have to make your mind...Tat u will forget watever happnd...And I'm sure u wil come out of it...

If u still need any help...U can feel free to contact me on gracyhilda@gmail.Com ...

LIFE IS ONCE...U SHOULD BE HAPPY...and KEEP OTHERS HAPPY...

 

 

[mandla]

its been a while since you posted this issue but i just saw it and wondered if you were still getting over this girl.

I know exactly what you are going through because I have also been in love before and sufered a not so obvious break up. ANyone who has been in a not so obvious break will know that this is a worser thing to go thru than a full break up. Just to clarify what I mean is

A full Break up (for lack of a better word) is when someone says look Kid its over beween us. I dont want you. I am done here. Theres no second chances no going back i have moved on and I probably am now seeing someone new. This break up will hurt like f**k but grieving is a process. You go through denial and then get love sick and then you accept it and move on. You will eventually move on after a bit because you will soon realise theres no going back its finished. This is not a good feeling thouogh but its got a begining and an ending if i may say. Its a imple closed door and you used to have the key but now the lock has changed. You will try using your key just in disbelief but sooner rather than later the realisation will dawn on you that you have no more acess to that door and you will then start trying to find another life door. In this scenario your heart may still be inlove but the brain will slowly convince the heart to let go and move on and this is a slow process but its in one direction normally. The Heart is following the head reluctantly but its following.

Then You have the not so obvious break upalso named that for lack of a better or correct term. This break up is the one our forumer is experiencing. Where she says I still love you I wanna be with you and yet behaves in quite the opposite fashion. This causes confusion to the person on the receiving end because they recieve mixed signals and that is what complicates everything. I mean for someone like me or you reading this its a simple cause of why dont you forget it and just move on. Yet when you are stuck in those shoes this can be one of the hardest and harshest things you may ever experience.

In the Full break up I used the phrase "In this scenario your heart may still be inlove but the brain will slowly convince the heart to let go and move on and this is a slow process but its in one direction normally. The Heart is following the head reluctantly but its following." and this is where the two differ. In the first scenario the heart is reluctantly submissive so its saying ok I will learn to move on even though I did not want to. But with the Sort Of Break Up there is a complete conflict between heart and soul( the head or brain. Because of the Statements I still love you and I am yours or whatever phrases she uses you heart is fully re convinced that it ok to love her and hold on to her because everything is going to be alright so the heart says Theres hope and here is proof and refers to the statements she just jais. But then your head says look, you saw the emails and all this and that is proof enough its over. She dont spend time with you. She makes excuses and the head pretty much produces its own set of convincers to prove its point but the heart also has its evidence and that is what makes this whole thing harder.

Your body cant agree and as a result this stresses you out big time. Things Like Insomnia set in and depression and all that its so hard because one minute you are saying its over. you make all the necessary acceptance in your life that its finished and you start to make your own plans that dont include her then you say to yourself this is it Im done but when you see her your heart says I have just got to hear it from the horses' mouth and before you even know it you have asked her whats really happening. She gives you an explanantion and usually the explanations do make a good point so suddenly you find that theres hope again and you cancell all the thoughts you had and write them off as choices made with out the right information and you are back in love. This is like living a yo-yo life you have no direction in that feild its like you just being thrown around. To use the Door and key method its like when you have a dodgy key cut for you for example you take a key to the locksmith to get a copy and they make one for you but its those dodgy keys that work but sometimes do not work One moment you try it it works the next moment it wont work. So you spending lots of time trying the key to that door hoping today is the day it wil work and when it doesnt work you try to con the door into opening by trying to apply different pressure while turning the key and wierdly enought that trick that worked the other dya doesnt work anymore. Your thinking pull out the key and re insert it slowly just dont push it all in a millimeter short of it all going in and then slowly turn it. You spending ages by that door instead of haveing just gone round to the back door and just going in a different door and you probably would have been inside the house by now. The only problem with life is that usually theres one door per person you wont find the back door to their heart.

So the situation you are finding yourself in is one of incomplete decision and this is very painfull cause it can last for years and years and what is worse is the fact that you feelings will always be raw. You will never accept that its over as long as she keeps saying that you. This is mainly because you heart had told itself this is my partner for life. You dont wanna let her go because she is probabl;y the perfect partner for your heart and its goingto be hard to let go. Its easy for a lot of people to say let go you will find someone else but they dont understand how it feels. I know people that have been in love before and have moved on and are now in happy relationships but i believe in life you only have one true soulmate and if it doesnt work with then because maybe they were not you soulmate you will rarely find someone that will shake their spot in terms of your heart.

Many people may go on to find happiness and marriage elsewhere but they will always know that their true love is the one that was in the past. Its obviously stupid to leave the new person in search for a past but then the truth will always be in your heart. I say to you my friend its hard wht you are experiencing if you havent gotten over it yet but the only advice I can give is that you get in touch with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her the damage its doign to you and how you feeling. Just ask her tolisten. DO NOT however start making her feel its her fault cause that will only lead to an argument and more pain. But just tell her so she understands theamount of stress and pain shes making you go through. This is so that she will undertsand your next request. Ask her if you can just be freinds who call each other and talk about stuff but the stuff should not be about her new boyfriend or your feelings. You want to teach your brain that she only a frend and stick to that. Its easier for you heart to accept that shes going to be just a freind and theres that communication channel left open incase you wanna take things further. But NEVER TAKE THINGS FURTHER else you going to be back where you started. Dont make long calls to each other you'll only start feeling closer you just want short hi how was your day bye kind of calls just so your heart doesnt pulsate. Then with time only limit the calls to when necessary and slowly over a year you will find you dont call her so much and you do not depend on her that much.

FOr many years after you will still find there are things or seing movies or television programs that have a resemblance of what you did with her may make you heart start racing and cause anxiety but that is normal in your case. Just know that one day in the far future everythiong may be alright and you may be able to look back and say wow that was a hard timein my life right there but i guess Im a survivor. I made it.

I dont know if I can advise moving on for now because I know you will only compare everyone to her and it will destroy you becuse you only going to start hurting the ones who will want something serious with you only to realise that you are still hung up over the ex. Thjere is no one plus one remedy for your case just great support and trying whatever seems to work for you. My advice may not work for you but at least you having the option and knowing that you can try this way helps.

I wish you all the best. Please give us an update of whats happened since.

[fermin25]

Well I am not an expert in these type of issues but I have a girlfriend and I had read a lot of books about this and I had practice a lot of mental exercises to deal with these issues if someday they come to me.

First the first: For me SHE DOESN´T LOVE ANYMORE. I think that this is maybe a hard thing to assimilate but that is the truth. Maybe she actually feel something for you but the love like in the past isn´t there anymore. I can give you some advices that you can follow and it´s very important that you follow them to the letter. DON´T CALL HER AND DON´T TEXT HER NEVER: IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU IF SHE IS STILL INTERESTED ON YOU WILL BE SHE WHO WILL CALL YOU OR TEXT YOU. The women think in a different language than men. She like to feel important to the others. We the men not. That don´t care for us. They need to feel pretty and need a lot of man saying them beatiful things or simply saying them that they are pretty and unique. So if you fall in the game of the calls and messages you are showing your love and the women simply thing that have you in the hand and feel shame for you. The shame and the love are not match. So you have to leave them miss you. So my recomendation is not call her nor message her and leave her to miss you. She will only miss you if she still feel something for you.

If she don´t call you or text you you have to move on. It´s not never easy. But you have to do that. The best way to move on is spending a lot of time in things that are new and fun like getting new hobbies or dating with your friends and have a good time. We the men when we have a girl that have us crazy have the habit to forget our friends and leave to spend time with them and this is a serious problem when you break with your girlfriend and you are alone because your friends don´t wanna know anything about you because you left them alone for your girlfriend. So that is my recomendation and advice. You can move on. You have to have self love. One day you will find another woman or women who can know? So be ready. In the world are 7 billion of people and 4 billion are women so there are a lot of opportunities to find another girl I think. You have to be strong and never came back. Because if you do that you will suffer more than you have suffered. And that is a real danger to fall in worst problems like depression syndromes.

So follow my advices first if that don´t work move on. Be strong. You can do it.

Regards.

[baaa]

humhaiking, on 12 September 2009 - 02:10 AM, said:

sorry to make this abit long but i want to tell you in detail so you can help me and advice me better. please have some patients

i am 20 and i fall in love with a girl two years agao. we fall in love in college. we both started that college newly and fell in love. she came and approached me first and we both fell in deep love with in a week. we loved each other madly and made so much beautiful memories. everybody in the college use to call use romeo and juliet. we would never been seen separate. we will always be seen huggin and kissing in and around the college. we use to txt each other as we open our eyes and stop txting when our eyes closed itself at night, but you see love never comes alone it brings millions of problems and troubles with it.

she belong to a quite rich and strong family. strong as in her dad and brother have good links with proper dangerous and gangster people. we both spent only first 5 months in peace then her family finds out about us. her family threaten me to death to leave their daughter but i never left her and her family torture her like hell and same she never left me. two years we both been together even though being in so much trouble.

but only since end of apirl everything went wrong. her older sister and her sisters sons died and her sister husband (whole family died in a car accident). she use to love them alot and this had a great affect on her. she went in to so much deppression. i tried my best to be there for her and ease her grief but most of the time she will tell me she need time so she want to be alone. i can do this much for her so i left her alone but do txt her and talk to her every day but not as much as before. i see her most of the time being alone by herself and when i go to her she would say she want to be alone so i leave her alone. as days went pass she start feeling better and she start spending times with her girl mates. i use to miss her madly and wanted to be around her so i would go up to her and tell her why she doing this to me, that she tell me she need time but she spend time with her firend why cant she spend it with me as i miss her madly. she would igonre and avoid me and say she need space and time. then slowly i start caughting her having laugh with other boys in the college and she spends time with them. this broked me i went to her and asked and she would give clearification that there nothing going on and she love me but need time, but it would be so obvious that you can tell she is lying. but i use to forgive her because i love her madly and don't want to lose her. i ask her she spend time with other boys why not with me, she would just comletely ignore it.

then one day i caught her emails and some picture with a boy (i knew her email password as she told me once long ago but she has forgetten that she told me) . she wrote the email to a boy that how she love him and the pictures showed how she been spending time with him and she wrote on his arm with a pen that she love him. i know you can understand how i felt at that time. it just killed me. when i asked her about it, as i said she would give clearifications which would be obvious that she is lying. she said to me that she love me madly but how she is so *BLEEP*ed up so she want me to hate her so i can live a better life and move on. i said to her i still love her and hugged her and forget about it.

then one day she told me how that boy came to her house with his dad and his and her dad are best friends and her dad want her to get married to him and how she is so helpless. she has to get married to him as i explained how her family is very strong. so i understand her problem and said ok no problem. but on one hand she would txt me and on other she would be txt him and lying she is not. i still take that in as i loved her madly.

but one day it was just to much. when we both went to college to get our grades she told me that how that boy is coming to college and want to meet her. i said ok. she went out the college to meet him as i suspected her so i followed. when i saw them two hugging and kissing this just killed me and i was so broken but this time i couldn't take it. so when that guy left i asked her. she said i did it porpusly so you can hate me as i am not good for you. i said to her i still love you alot but unfortantly i can't be with you anymore as your body is not clean for me anymore. even if i want to kiss you i wont be able to. so we both offically broked.

i see this as she has moved on beacuse she got a better option then me. her biggest dream was to mary me and she use to say if we dont end up marrying she would burn herself but it was also very clear to us that no matter how much we try and do we will never be able to get married. so i think she moved on with him and this has also made her family life alot better as she dont have to get torture anymore coz of me by her family.

i want to also move on and but the problem is this she is my first and real love. we both loved each other deeply and she has done hell alot for me that which nobody would do and has give me more love than i dreamed. when i think about moving on i just can't imagine any other girl on her place. like the way we met and fall in love. the beautiful memories we made. these two years are the best two years of my life. i think how some one can give me better then this when she has gave me the best out of the best. this is the honest truth the two years we spend together was real and honest.

the people in college and who ever know us use to say we are example to the world as we both were in love madly. she is so beautiful and so romantic. i still feel the same love for her. sometime i think even if i get maried or get old i will still love her the same and miss her.

i want some advice how to move on. will i get a girl who is better then her (where as my heart say no girl better then her), will any girl be able to love me more then her. will she would be able to give me more happiness than her. seriouly i don't know how to move on. i just can even think of any other girl. i love her alot. but i know i wont be able to take her back ever as i got self respect for me but cant even stay without her. i want to know will i ever be able to fall in love again. she was my first and real love and these two years i can never forget. but i really want to move on with life. so please someone with experince tell me and explain how to move on and get over.

[baaa]

your body is now officially not clean anymore for any other girl to come into your life. wont she feel your body impure to kiss you ? hence forth there has occured a deadlock for you. you cannot move on anymore. just repent your mistake in falling in love with a girl who never loved you, as true love never dies, since her love for you has died, it means her love for you was never true. but you cannot be someone else's either cause your body is not clean for other clean girls.

got it?
you decide now
to cheat new clean girl
or
live as a bachleor for ever in your thins life, not cheating any other girl, but at the same time repenting your mistake in loving that girl

just joking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cool down

in life all do mistakes, but they occur for different situations, for you this one,

learn from your this mistake, never repeat them again

no one is 100% perfect

that does not mean we do not have right to live

life is improvement , progress towards goodness

rest is your choice

Edited by baaa, 27 February 2012 - 06:48 PM.

[Heximal]

Can you? Yes. Should you? No.

Being blunt here, but I'm not the type of guy who lets his ration get overpowered by emotion. If someone *BLEEP*s you over, they're not worth your time, effort or attention. Second chances are for those who deserve them.