12 replies to this topic

[The Simpleton]

I found asking myself this very question atevery stage of my life, beginning from kindergarten! Would it be nice to have only a select group of friends, or would it be nice to have a large group of friends??? I tried experimenting with the answers and I've found out that it's better to have only a few friends at any given time.

In my early school days, I tried making friends with almost everyone around me. It worked, and I could bravely call almost every single person in my class as my "friend". Things were going on very well and I was happy for having such a large number of friends. But then I began to notice that I was losing my own life....every day I would be doing something with someone or the other. I didn't have time left for myself at all. All the time would be devoted to friends and I was beginning to get irritated.

Then came college. Here I decided to have only a select group of friends. So I was friendly to everyone, but close to only a few. And this time I found that I did have a lot of time for myself. The same friends couldn't do the same things over and over everyday so each one of us began to have time for himself and life became a lot smoother!

This case can be studied online too. If you have a large number of friends in Facebook or any such network, then over time some of them will complain that you've forgotten them; you're not contacting them at all, etc. The truth is that you simply won't have enough time to keep in touch with so many "friends". On the other hand if you have only a select group of friends, you can keep in touch with them all the time and can lead a happy life online/offline.

Well this is just my observation. What do you think about it?

[anwiii]

it's a give and take thing. you get something different in each scenario. with a lot of friends, you then have to question who you're true friends are. with a select group, you don't have to ask that question. friends are good though no matter how many you have. i have a large select group of friends back where i am from. unfortunately, i move away from them all and don't get to see them as much as i would like. i also have a tight group of select friends of about 4 people who i consider part of my family and if any one of them passed on, i would consider it losing a family memeber. so would my family. i'm not one to be a big socializer. in fact, i am sort of a loner so i feel i was blessed to have as many friends as i do and i really don't know where they came from or why they happened to crawl in to my life when they did.

aside frome friends, i also consider aquantances friends. to me, there is something to be learned from everyone and to get to know a stranger could also be a blessing

so...would i like a lot of friends or only a select few? i say it's best to have as many as you can while sorting through and deciding who your best friends are. the ones that you can count on to be there for you when you need a friend.

i have a friend who's dad just passed passed away. typically, he's a guy who would always ty to put a smile on a person's face. when his dad passed away, he would continue to do this. i was blunt with him after seeing this. "stop it" i said. "your "pops"(that's what we called him) just passed away and people should be trying to put a smile on YOUR face." he looked me straight in the eye and told me, "pops wouldn't have wanted me to change who i am".

this type of friend has been a pleasure to know. although not one of my best friends, he was always there when i was down. everyone should have these types of people in their life. to limit who your friends are is to limit how you are able to be blessed and how you are able to learn from others....as others have a lot to teach us all.

[Nameless_]

I personally have a lot of friends myself. I've got lots of friends from different backgrounds and different age groups, but unfortunately, my case is different from The Simpleton's. The thing is, because I've spread my friendship circle so wide, it just means that I don't have any close friends...

which is great if you want privacy and time to yourself, because I seem to have a lot of that often, but not that good if you want to go out with your friends to the movies or the cinema of anything like that, because they will never invite you.

So you'll just be the social butterfly. I mean, like you, I can call out nearly everyone's name bravely and say "hello" and call them a friend, and I can also join nearly any social circle and sit down and chat with them, and they'll accept me, but I won't be considered as one of their group members.

I actually think that the best thing is like me, but also having your own "group" yourself. More often than once I get asked what "group" I'm in and I'm like... I'm with everyone... like, I can talk to anyone and stuff...

And they're like... Ooohh... so you think you're popular?

And I'm like... No... I don't have a group that I can call my own...

So in group work time, I always get left out and stuff, and I yearn to have a group that I like that I will always be stuck with. Which is why I don't mind working with anyone, but it feels bad getting left our and people wonder why you're left to yourself when you're all that "so popular" and all that.

[networker]

That is true. The more friends you have the less time you have to yourself
and the more compromises you have to make really.
What makes it easier having a lot of friends is if you are interested
in a lot of things and have a lot of hobbies.
For example, some of your friends will share you're interests in sports,
others won't. Other friends will play a musical instrument and you can
hang out with them and jam while others don't.
You can have friends for specific purposes.
You might call them 'utility friends', but they are friends still.

[akira550]

i trust someone.. sometimes there are some friends in disguised did you get it? beware they are disguising that they are your friends but the truth is they just need something from you and if they doesn't need you anymore they will just leave you hanging unexpectedly.

so becarefull in choosing who.. and to whom you will give your trust 

[gisellebebegirl]

it depends, i think you kinda need both, u need your huge network.. (people you know, have talked to, but aren't necessarily close to)

why?

because you never know when things will go bad, or you are going to need new friends, or someone to be with.. its just a good thing to have a as a backup plan... along with a close circle of friends.. because if you only have the dstant friends you will feel really lonely

you need a close circle of friends in order to feel happier and more full of yourself
what?
haha, when you have a close circle of friends (preferably small, 4-5, or even just a bestfriend) you have people who you know, KNOW the real you, and will most likely care about you more than the distant friends

[mew]

If by friends you mean people you would want to hang out with voluntarily (ie: not out of necessity or only when it's convenient), I prefer having a few close friends as opposed to a lot of friends. For some inexplicable reason, I get uncomfortable/irritated easily if I have to be around more than a few people for extended periods of time. It's one of the reasons I don't have many friends because I wouldn't be able to stand going out with them all the time. I'm alright if I have to be at a party once in a while (like once in a few months) but I'd be pretty unhappy if I had to do that every week.

I also like having conversations with my friends and I usually don't consider someone a real friend unless I can talk to them freely and not worry about being judged. With many friends, this would be difficult because you wouldn't be able to know all them well enough to have such conversations. Also, I find that this is something you can't do with everyone because many people aren't comfortable talking about things beyond a superficial level or just don't know how to.

However, using a less strict definition of friend as someone you do not actively dislike (lol) and can do things together with if necessary, I would prefer having many because it's simply better to be on good terms with people.

I've taken a few psychology modules and from what I've learned so far, having many friends seem to be better for your overall well-being. It also depends on the quality of the relationships though. (If you're interested in finding out more, go google social connectedness )

Edited by mew, 29 September 2009 - 06:04 AM.

[Jess123]

A new friend, right now I have a heao of people I hang out with and seriously they can be so annoying and stuck up at time it just fustrates me. They don't listen to anything I say so I wonder if there really my friends meh who know!

[Teyu]

Personally I have a lot of friends, some of them i knew when i was 6 years old and now they are my best friends.
Some others are just new friends, from about 2 year or so.
I think you're always making friends and is up to you what kind of friends they become.

[sheepdog]

I think in this case quality is more important than quanity. When you have quanity you get more junk mail in your inbox than you can keep up with.

And while it is great to be friendly with everyone and have people like and respect you and or at least tolerate your presence, a true friend, someone you can count on when the going gets tough, is a lot better than just the casual fair weather type friend you will have when you are going for quanity.

[anwiii]

i agree sheepie... i have a lot of acquaintances in my life. but true friends? very few. i know they would do anything for me if i asked. unfortunately, i never ask. i even go so far as not contacting them as much as i should. i know they don't like it, but they know me to know i would always be there for them too.

quality is DEFINATELY better than quantity. just ask google. they will say the same same. the admins of this forum if they were ever around to comment.
to me, a person with a lot of "friends" is a person who is trying to prove something....either to others or to themselves. also, just because someone is charismatic doesn't mean anything where true friendship is concerned

take for example opaque. he's very popular here. doesn't mean he himself is a good friend to anyone here when he can do what he is doing and it doesn't mean he made friends here when everyone is leaving this place without a second thought about a "friendship"

[Iniyila]

Yes i agree too, a few real friends even only one is a lot better than a lot of friends but having no real friend, in my case i call a friend real when s/he does some important things for me, first when i call her/him doesn't tell me that is busy or do not reject my call only because s/he wants to sleep more. a real friend should be always as a wall for you to rely on it, i actually have tree real friends and they are always nice with me, i never saw any bad behavior from them and of course i can rely on them in every aspect of my life and i can be sure that they will do the best they can for me and of course keeping a real friend is a hard work, you have to spend a lot of your time with real friends and this is why you can not have thousands of real friends because your time is limited and you can not be 48 hours a day with your real friends.

Now as i prefer to be with my friends every week at least once so some type of friendships are just not working for me, like the face book, i can see many peoples saying that we have friends but when i say that bring your friends then i find out all of his/her friends are only behind a LCD and only can talk with them through a wire, i don't say that we can not be friends, i say that real friend should be with you when you are sick and need help, this is my definition for a real friend. but of course we all are friends with many peoples over internet and even know them for more than 10 years so they are a part of our life and we can not forget them. one of the things that have made being friend harder is the things that your friends expect to see from you, most of peoples doesn't say what they want you to do and this is not good because i saw many peoples just trying to be away from other without saying why they are doing this, i have the chance to be with friends that say all of their expectations to me without any doubt or being shy and so i think all of real friends should be like this.

Another thing that i believe in is that number of friends is not important at all, you may have thousand of friends but when you are alone and want somebody to talk to you find no one and this means that all of your friends are only having the name of being friend and none of them are real friends for you. i have 530 friends in my face book but it doesn't mean that all of them are my real friends, and even those tree real friends of mine are not in my facebook friend list. actually i think that this is one of the disadvantages of computer that we only try to find friends over internet and this makes us more lonely because we will not go out anymore to be with our friends and we try to find them in facebook or tweeter. now i think no one can have thousands of real friends because you have to give each of them specific time in your week and this means you can not have unlimited number of real friends and of course in all of your friends you will have only one as best friend and you need to give her/him more time than your other friends.

So in the end i prefer to have at least a real friend and it doesn't matter for me to have thousands of friends and only have one real in them or having only one and he/she be my real one too but anyway no one can say that having an active wall in facebook is a bad thing, so if you have some real friends go and find some more friends too so you will be more happy in your life.

[iAssistant]

You can meet a lot of people in the world, whether classmates, workmates or neighbors but they are not friends but they are acquaintance. You will only meet a few friends who will believe in you when the rest of the world don't. A have many trusted friends and I am lucky but not all of them are near, many of them are abroad working but we keep in touch and giving advice whenever necessary.