15 replies to this topic

[Me_89]

Hi guys

Im new here so i dont really know where to post this and stuff =/

Iv been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we knew eachother for about a year before we started dating. At the start of our relationship he was so into me, so caring, nice, fun, he spoke to me almost everyday, always asked what i was doing and how i was..He wanted me so bad.. I wasnt sure if i wanted a relationship back then..i was stuck and didnt know what i wanted to do in life..I wanted to concentrate on getting my life sorted and other important things..He pretty much begged me to be with him. I wanted to, but i was scared.



He has totally changed now..

We dont talk as often as we used to, he always forgets things i tell him, we joke around alot, but when i try to be serious and have a proper conversation with him he keeps joking around and its hard to talk to him, hes not as caring as before, hes very unreliable and he doesnt understand me at all and he doesnt even try to. He upsets me alot. If he tells me hes going to call me in two hours he either doesnt call or he calls 3 hours late.. (which is fine, but cant he at least tell me something came up and that he'll call me later on). He's so into his stupid playstation and his car. Iv had enough! I think about breaking up with him almost everyday..Its very easy to break up, but how to live after the break up? Ill feel so alone and empty..ill be in pain everyday..for months.. Ill think about what he's doing and who he's with and if he's thinking of me.. and it sucks when im bored cos then ill want to contact him and make it all good..



The other day he told me he was going to call me at 2 o clock..i waited and waited.. 2 o clock came..no call..i waited some more..then about 2 hours later (still no call) i came onto msn messenger (lol) and he was online and i asked him what he was doing and he said he was playing playstation with his friend. I was so furious!! He didnt even mention calling me..its like he totally forgot! He does it all the time. Yesterday he told me he was going to call me at 12 to hang out..he didnt call..i came on msn and he came up to me like everything was ok and asked me if i wanted to hang out..i said yes and asked him what he wanted to do and out of nowhere he was like "oh dont worry about it, theres nothing to do anyway" Then why ask me to hang out!?!? Arghhhhhh.



I dont know..this sounds kind of stupid, but do you guys think its got something to do with sex? Cos i heard that after you have sex .. the guy doesnt really care and try as much as he used to?



I dont know. Please help!



xoxo

[Nameless_]

Hey Me_89,

I can really see that you are very very very very very distressed. Feel free to talk to me anytime or PM me if you need help. But there is one thing that I really have to get through to you.

DO NOT spend your whole entire life waiting for someone else. He does not deserve it, and neither do you. If he doesn't care about you, then fine. I am not sure if it is because of sex, but there are many factors to go into. He might have had a new crush, or someone else that he liked. Or he may be having an affair, or like you suspected, had sex with someone else.

Either way, one thing is clear: He no longer likes you as much as he used to, and he no longer cares for you as much as he used to.

I understand how you feel. It is hard to breakup with someone when you have been with him for a long time. I guess it is because (perhaps) you are already his? When you weren't with him, of course, he would beg for you to go with him. But once you say yes, it is one thing done and he can no longer care for you, because you cannot just say no and pretend that nothing happened.

But when he say he will call, do NOT hang around the phone just for him. As I said, he does not deserve it. And you shouldn't do that for him. You have a life. Go enjoy it. HE has a life. He IS enjoying it. And forgetting about you in the process.

If you don't like him anymore, then ditch him. It will be hard on you, I know. But the thing is... are you willing to stay this way forever? Are you willing to get married, if it comes to that, to a man that is like that forever? The answer is probably No. But the thing is, life is short. And every day that you lose is every day where your perfect man might have appeared.

Where you may have found your perfect mate. But because you were stuck to this uncaring, ignorant man, you have lost this chance. When he say he'll call you, don't stand around. Just do whatever you want. OK. So he is into his playstation and his cars. Let him go into that.

He will know what he has lost when you leave. Probably, he will either ignore you, or try and get you back again. But he has shown what he is really like, and that he can go more into material goods than a real, kind and sensitive girl like you, and I am sure that this is not what you are looking for in your man.

So... take my advice. Get him. Talk to him seriously. I know he will joke around. But say: I want to break up with you. If he jokes around, then OK. Fine. Leave him. But he will probably become serious and ask why. Explain to him clearly. Every single detail. And he should understand. If he doesn't, then he's a jerk.

And after you have ditched him, what now? OK. So you will be lonely. Don't you have any good friends of you own? Talk to them. If you don't want to talk to them, talk to random people online. (Like me. ) I am always here to help, and no, I am not interested in dating you.

Perhaps it will take months to heal. But get some friends, hang out with them, and maybe get a new boyfriend. Time will heal you. It is the best thing ever. You will forget him, slowly and gradually. And after that, you will know that it is the best decision that you have ever made in your life.

Trust me.

When you get bored, what will you do? Ring your friends. Not him. Perhaps in time you may be friends with him again. But state CLEARLY that you are NOT interested. What he did to you was HORRID, and it is something that no one should do to anyone else.

Do NOT give in, and if you run into any problems, tell your family and friends. Remember though, I am always here to help, and I am just one PM away. There are also other members that are willing to help you cope, and willing to talk to you.

Cheers, and I wish you the best of luck. Be brave. And be honest.

Me_89, on Jan 15 2010, 05:49 PM, said:

Hi guys

Im new here so i dont really know where to post this and stuff =/

Iv been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we knew eachother for about a year before we started dating. At the start of our relationship he was so into me, so caring, nice, fun, he spoke to me almost everyday, always asked what i was doing and how i was..He wanted me so bad.. I wasnt sure if i wanted a relationship back then..i was stuck and didnt know what i wanted to do in life..I wanted to concentrate on getting my life sorted and other important things..He pretty much begged me to be with him. I wanted to, but i was scared.



He has totally changed now..

We dont talk as often as we used to, he always forgets things i tell him, we joke around alot, but when i try to be serious and have a proper conversation with him he keeps joking around and its hard to talk to him, hes not as caring as before, hes very unreliable and he doesnt understand me at all and he doesnt even try to. He upsets me alot. If he tells me hes going to call me in two hours he either doesnt call or he calls 3 hours late.. (which is fine, but cant he at least tell me something came up and that he'll call me later on). He's so into his stupid playstation and his car. Iv had enough! I think about breaking up with him almost everyday..Its very easy to break up, but how to live after the break up? Ill feel so alone and empty..ill be in pain everyday..for months.. Ill think about what he's doing and who he's with and if he's thinking of me.. and it sucks when im bored cos then ill want to contact him and make it all good..



The other day he told me he was going to call me at 2 o clock..i waited and waited.. 2 o clock came..no call..i waited some more..then about 2 hours later (still no call) i came onto msn messenger (lol) and he was online and i asked him what he was doing and he said he was playing playstation with his friend. I was so furious!! He didnt even mention calling me..its like he totally forgot! He does it all the time. Yesterday he told me he was going to call me at 12 to hang out..he didnt call..i came on msn and he came up to me like everything was ok and asked me if i wanted to hang out..i said yes and asked him what he wanted to do and out of nowhere he was like "oh dont worry about it, theres nothing to do anyway" Then why ask me to hang out!?!? Arghhhhhh.



I dont know..this sounds kind of stupid, but do you guys think its got something to do with sex? Cos i heard that after you have sex .. the guy doesnt really care and try as much as he used to?



I dont know. Please help!



xoxo

[Me_89]

Nameless_, on Jan 15 2010, 06:13 PM, said:

Hey Me_89,

I can really see that you are very very very very very distressed. Feel free to talk to me anytime or PM me if you need help. But there is one thing that I really have to get through to you.

DO NOT spend your whole entire life waiting for someone else. He does not deserve it, and neither do you. If he doesn't care about you, then fine. I am not sure if it is because of sex, but there are many factors to go into. He might have had a new crush, or someone else that he liked. Or he may be having an affair, or like you suspected, had sex with someone else.

Either way, one thing is clear: He no longer likes you as much as he used to, and he no longer cares for you as much as he used to.

I understand how you feel. It is hard to breakup with someone when you have been with him for a long time. I guess it is because (perhaps) you are already his? When you weren't with him, of course, he would beg for you to go with him. But once you say yes, it is one thing done and he can no longer care for you, because you cannot just say no and pretend that nothing happened.

But when he say he will call, do NOT hang around the phone just for him. As I said, he does not deserve it. And you shouldn't do that for him. You have a life. Go enjoy it. HE has a life. He IS enjoying it. And forgetting about you in the process.

If you don't like him anymore, then ditch him. It will be hard on you, I know. But the thing is... are you willing to stay this way forever? Are you willing to get married, if it comes to that, to a man that is like that forever? The answer is probably No. But the thing is, life is short. And every day that you lose is every day where your perfect man might have appeared.

Where you may have found your perfect mate. But because you were stuck to this uncaring, ignorant man, you have lost this chance. When he say he'll call you, don't stand around. Just do whatever you want. OK. So he is into his playstation and his cars. Let him go into that.

He will know what he has lost when you leave. Probably, he will either ignore you, or try and get you back again. But he has shown what he is really like, and that he can go more into material goods than a real, kind and sensitive girl like you, and I am sure that this is not what you are looking for in your man.

So... take my advice. Get him. Talk to him seriously. I know he will joke around. But say: I want to break up with you. If he jokes around, then OK. Fine. Leave him. But he will probably become serious and ask why. Explain to him clearly. Every single detail. And he should understand. If he doesn't, then he's a jerk.

And after you have ditched him, what now? OK. So you will be lonely. Don't you have any good friends of you own? Talk to them. If you don't want to talk to them, talk to random people online. (Like me. ) I am always here to help, and no, I am not interested in dating you.

Perhaps it will take months to heal. But get some friends, hang out with them, and maybe get a new boyfriend. Time will heal you. It is the best thing ever. You will forget him, slowly and gradually. And after that, you will know that it is the best decision that you have ever made in your life.

Trust me.

When you get bored, what will you do? Ring your friends. Not him. Perhaps in time you may be friends with him again. But state CLEARLY that you are NOT interested. What he did to you was HORRID, and it is something that no one should do to anyone else.

Do NOT give in, and if you run into any problems, tell your family and friends. Remember though, I am always here to help, and I am just one PM away. There are also other members that are willing to help you cope, and willing to talk to you.

Cheers, and I wish you the best of luck. Be brave. And be honest.

Hey,

Wow, ur REALLY good! Thanks so much.. Ur advice is great

But the part where u said:

'He might have had a new crush, or someone else that he liked. Or he may be having an affair, or like you suspected, had sex with someone else.'

I didnt think he had sex with anyone else..i didnt say anything like that lol.


Anyway yesterday after that msn conversation about hanging out..how he said theres nothing to do.. i havent spoken to him. Hes been calling and texting me ALL day today and i havent answered or replied.

Theres one more problem..

Im scared to answer his calls because he'll probably be rude and ask me why i havent been answering then he'll ask me why im angry and then he'll make me feel like an immature 12 year old that gets angry for no reason .. If i tell him i want to break up he'll make me feel stupid and then he'll be like ok then and the conversation will be over. I cannot stand him being fine with me breaking up with him. It hurts! I know it sounds ridiculous.. Maybe i just want him to tell me how much he loves me and needs me everytime i tell him its over..? I cant break up with him knowing that he doesnt care..i need him to be in pain like me. I want him to miss me and regret being like that to me.


AND if i dont answer or reply he'll eventually stop calling..and leave it..and that will hurt me so bad.

I kind of like just ignoring his calls and texts..and leaving him stressed out and dying to know whats wrong.. I think he deserves it. For once he feels bad..Im always feeling bad. Its just fair i think.

Ok my phones ringing again LOL *ignores and keeps typing*

What do u guys think?

It sounds b**chy i know..

[ProGamer2010]

I think you need to answer that phone and confront/tell him about the whole thing. I'm not that really good into relationships but the sooner your going to face and talk to him, the sooner you will solve your problem and move on. Don't waste your time confusing yourself. Be direct, you don't want to leave him cause you've learned to love him but if he doesn't love you back then you have to leave him and cut your relationship or end up being hurt all the time. Believe me, for my experience, I've wasted 6 years of my time loving a girl who doesn't love me back and that's how I end up on the internet. Anyways, all of that is in my past and have move on to new greater life. This is just the only thing I can advice to you so you won't regret wasting your time in such situation. ^^

[Nameless_]

No problem. I do my best to help people in distress. It gives me satisfaction and a glowing feeling whenever I do that. So I should say thank you to YOU. For letting me do what I was doing. Let me reply to your concerns.

OK. Sorry, I apologise for not understanding that you are not saying that he had sex with someone. I guess it was a misunderstanding on my part.

Hmm... So I see that you are confused. You don't exactly know whether he likes you or not. I mean, he did text you all day now... but what about before? If I understand this clearly, you don't know where he sits. But seriously, how long are you keeping it up? I don't mind you being "Beeeeeetchy"... but no matter how long you are making it going to last, it is never ever going to solve your problems.

So... I suggest you to stop when you think it's enough. Making him hurt isn't going to get you anywhere. If he doesn't care for you, then I suppose he wouldn't feel hurt at all.

Also. Here is a problem: I can see that you are playing the submissive role in your relationship, and him, the dominant one. Number one: Why should he be rude? If it was me, I'd be worried. Seriously. Not picking up my calls? You? My girlfriend? I'd be scared to death. Also. So... he is rude. How does THAT make you feel stupid like a 12 year old that easily gets angry for no reason?

Especially when HE is the angry one? I'm confused at this point. Especially what he did you you... you HAVE a right to be angry. Also. If he is like... "OK" when you ask to break up with him, then obviously he doesn't like you. What else is there to say? Get someone else!!! If he really loves you... and he doesn't say it, then it's OK. Because he may be shy. But if he really loves you, then he wouldn't have ignored you.

He would have been thinking about you every day, wondering what you are doing now, getting excited at every call that you make. What you made it sound like, is totally different from what someone usually does when they are in love. And I see you want revenge. There is really... no point in revenge if he doesn't care. I'm trying to be gentle... but you have to get that through.

Revenge is really... nothing but hurting yourself. Especially if it doesn't work. If it hurts, will you really get that happy feeling inside of you? Ask that to yourself. Honestly.

Also. How do you know that he is stressed? If you haven't talked to him, you don't know what he is thinking. You, my friend, are making assumptions to suit what you want him to feel. Not what he actually feels. He never said he was stressed. You don't know because he haven't contacted him for the whole entire day.

Remember that as well. Perhaps its fair... and perhaps not?

What I suggest is to be straightforward with him. Stop playing hide and seek. Once you have finished with your revenge, talk to him. Perhaps this may work out after all. You two... have to communicate. You have to get through the fact that you are hurting from what he is doing. And he, in turn, should understand and STOP. If he doesn't, then really. Leave him.

This agony will increase and increase as time goes by, and it will get harder and harder to get rid of him every day that you two are together. And when you break up, it will hurt. So the earlier, the better. If you are going to break up with him anyway, then why not now? Get it over and done with. We will always support you through the internet.

[anwiii]

i'm sorry to say, but i agree with nameless and you shouldn't be wasting your time in a dead relationship. changes don't happen instantly. your boyfriend didn't wake up one day totally different. his changes happened over time

let me clue you in on something. either he is forgeting things that are important to you because he doesn't care, or, he isn't forgeting....he remembers....but just doesn't care. either way, he doesn't care

normally i would suggest sitting down with him alone and talking about the issues but it seems like he isn't going to take anything seriously in what you said here so that would just be a waste of time to.

there is an old saying. i don't know if you heard it but it's something to think about and it has to do with being in control of our lives by the choices we make.
"hurt me once, your fault. hurt me twice, my fault". so basically, if your boyfriend is hurting who, shame on him....but if you choose to stay in the relationship to allow him to continue to hurt you, shame on you. you can no longer blame him. understand?

is it sex? no. it's not sex. don't hurt your head trying to figure out what it is. i know it will leave you with very little closure, but this guy is a jerk. just remember. it's not your fault. you are young, and just chalk this up as a learning experience. everyone has had their bad relationships. you are not the first. sometimes we have to weed through the bad ones to get to the 1 good one.

so i would break things off with him. then i would take a break with guys for a while and spend some more time with your friends and do things to keep busy as breakups are pretty rough emotionally and it's best just to do things to take you mind off the hurt. i wish you the best.

[Me_89]

Hmm good advice, but.. Im not ready to talk to him at all just yet.. Hes been calling me today again and i havent answered or anything.

He stopped calling about 7 hours ago.. I think he gave up. I dont know how i feel. I feel pain, but sometimes i feel numb as well.

He changed his relationship status to single (I use my friends facebook to spy on his page)

So i think he got the point..

Should i just leave it like this?

[anwiii]

no. you shouldn't leave it like that. make a decision and confront him and tell him your decision. nothing good can come from you ignoring him or you spying on him. don't fall for any revenge tactics either. if you were old and wise enough to make a commitment, you are the same to end it.

i hope you know you deserve to be treated better....but it doesn't mean to be unfair in your honesty and being truthfull which can only come when you confront him.

he not only sabataged the relationship, but how can you even consider him a friend? friends don't do that either....

stop procrastinating....it will be the best in the long run....

Me_89, on Jan 16 2010, 08:13 AM, said:

Hmm good advice, but.. Im not ready to talk to him at all just yet.. Hes been calling me today again and i havent answered or anything.

He stopped calling about 7 hours ago.. I think he gave up. I dont know how i feel. I feel pain, but sometimes i feel numb as well.

He changed his relationship status to single (I use my friends facebook to spy on his page)

So i think he got the point..

Should i just leave it like this?

Edited by anwiii, 17 January 2010 - 01:29 AM.

[unwanted_flower]

i am not one offer advice in this department o going tell you my gut .
i would call him and discuss all options with him .
discuss everything with him and if and i mean if ,does not sound like he is committed then dump his rear end ,for your own peace of mind .
sometimes guys are just plain jerks and not grown up to make a commitment like we women want in life .

[Me_89]

Yea, I think ill ask to see him or call him.. maybe tomorrow or the day after..or the day after that lol. Its hard.

Either we sort it out and get back together and then he'll keep doing it or he'll keep doing other things or we'll break up..and thats going to kill because it will be a real breakup. I guess i like him contacting me and chasing me.. Is that sick? lol

He tried calling me twice today again, but i didnt answer.

I just need another day or two and then ill talk to him.. maybe

Thanks for ur help guys