12 replies to this topic

[unwanted_flower]

Asking in regards does marriage hold expectations of each other or is it wrong ,to hold expectations in a marriage ?

Should it be consider that expectations hold no place in a marriage?

Should expectations play a big role in a marriage ?

Curious to find input of everyone's feelings concerning expectations in a marriage .

What would you Suggest ?

is right or wrong .

[evilsmiley25]

Marriage is different for every person. Whether holding expectations is bad or good in a marriage really relates all to how you and the other person are. It is hard, well impossible, to make an assumption about things like that that would fit or every marriage. It is all about how you feel in a relationship. If you expect a lot from your husband/wife, then that is just how you are, and it does not necessarily mean it is bad, or you are a bad person for doing so. Personally, from my view of feelings, expectations should not play a *huge* rule in a marriage. You should expect some things from your husband or wife, but it should not be forced things.

So, it all depends on the person, and their wife or husband.

[BuffaloHelp]

Love should not expect anything...but marriage should definitely expect a marriage. That is, it's two coming together as one. The two are joining in set of agreements to become something better than if each were alone. Like creating better pair, better spouses, better parents, better family etc.

Therefore, marriage should expect these things and each partner should strive to fulfill these expectations. And before committing to this marriage the two should take the time to find if each other is suitable for these tasks. One should almost demand the quality and perform the same high quality at one's responsibility.

I believe you have the utmost responsibility to find your mate so that your equal and opposite can raise your family with the same values as you. Not just making money or having children. It's about if your partner is willing to go the distance to make it work when stumble and fall. It's about if you and your partner are going to sacrifice whatever it takes to raise a child, children and give them the best of your efforts to teach them about life, about love and about themselves. It's about teaching them to be wonderful parents so that they may repeat the yearning to find the op posit half to strive for better tomorrow.

So, yes, you should expect the best from your partner and you should give your best to your partner. This is how I define a marriage. It is your right to find your partner who see your value eye-to-eye and then take it to another level. It's always about advancing and not settling for status quo.

[wonderfullygifted]

Marriage is based on one thing, or based around one thing which is LOVE.
Love includes.. support, patience, time, effort, caring, respect, etc.

Quote

Importance of Sharing Your Expectations
Today, when asked, many married couples would say they expect companionship, intimacy, and sharing of feelings.

Sharing your expectations with your spouse is critical if you want a successful marriage.

When your expectations aren't shared with each other, disillusionment will probably become an everyday experience.

Long Term Marriages
One of the joys of reading our hometown newspaper is seeing the large number of couples who are celebrating their 50th plus anniversaries.

Joanne Austin of the Washington State University Cooperative Extension writes that "Never before have so many couples been married long enough to experience such a variety of life-changes that occur in the later stages of marriage."

These long-term couples probably expected hard work, the challenge of raising children, and happiness, but not financial difficulties, unresolved issues, lost dreams, or ill health. Yet, they dealt effectively with the changes, both expected and unexpected, in their lives.

Major Barrier in Communication
One of the major barriers in communication is the unspoken expectations that a couple has of one another.

* Make time each day to share your expectations of the day.

* Take time before going out for the evening, or before leaving on a trip, to talk about your expectations of the event.

* Honestly appraise your expectations of yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. Are they realistic or unrealistic?

Surviving the Test of Time
Couples who survive the test of time are those who can adapt to change and who know what one another expects.

Notice from truefusion:

http://marriage.abou...xpectations.htm

[unwanted_flower]

Exactly I believe there should be expectations in a marriage ,something that may not be the same although it becomes compromising and respectful with those expectations that is shared together in a marriage .
being able to work through anything and actually solving what you both worked through together .

i don't believe a solid marriage would hold no expectations.

There is always expectations .

Sharing a life together ,growing with each life's experience ,compromising with each disagreement finding that safe middle ground that can be compromised together ,that brings two people closer together and filled with happiness that even when all those years ,shared together ,all life's changes ,when your partner enters a room ,there is always that bright sparkle in the others eyes or both ,that never seems to dull ,no matter ,how many years shared together .

that spark stays forever between the two .

expectations are in a marriage ,to discuss anything together not just your dreams and goals ,but the expectations of any given out come ,weather good or bad ,sharing each others ,opinions and understanding and compromising together ,not just one way ,a shared way together .

once again ,thank you ,for your warm inspiring replies ,I really appreciated reading them .

[anwiii]

a marriage should be for life. no doubt. everyone should know what they are actually getting in to before they marry. unfortunately, that isn't always the case when the divorce rate is 50% in the united states. sometimes people don't know who they marry and people change.

expectations, to me....are selfish. expectation are things that one person wants from another. expectations or selfishness is wrong to place on another as each individual was born different. so there will be differences in married couples. the key is to respect those differences. to to change the other person or place expectations

the real key is to understand....and if you are truely married, you will respect your other half and try to compromise. what if one has expectations, and the other has expectations, and they both conflict? what then? why did you get married? expectations has NOTHING to do with why you got married or why you are married. expectations are selfish and somewhat controlling after the marriage as two people combined already know eachother without expectations.....or....that's the way it SHOULD be.

expectations are the leading cause of divorce because when one can expect something, the other one can too. and when there is conflict between expectations or one giving one sided expectations to control the other, their lives are limited. they can either live under expectations, or seperate from them.

expectations to me are deadly. you either have to accept your partner or don't. expectations has no place in life or others. you can expect people not to murder people, and you will get let down because there will always be people who murder people. to accept this fact, is to NOT get let down....and accept the bad.....with the good. but NEVER ignore the good where expectations dictates something that someone can't give at the time....why else would expections exisit.

if a person was to be perfect in other people eyes, there would be no reason for expectations....that is a FACT!

[wonderfullygifted]

I don't really think when you get married, someone is going to find that you're perfect or anything.
And it's only because when you live with someone, you're obviously going to find their flaws/bad habits and you might hate it.
Which wouldn't be bad if you just could maintain them or stop it.

I think the big problem in marriages is you don't fully know you want to be married, you still feel like you should be dating, and marriage is kind of scary if you're always watching media while they put all that brainwashing things in your head.

I think you just need to take is very slow before marriage and be 100% that you want it, so then you won't have much problems.

[knoppixusr]

I am going to agree with anwiii on this one and go with the view that expectations are selfish. Marriage is not supposed to be slavery is it? I think marriage needs very little expectation. A lot of expectation will only lead to disappointment, anger ,resentment and hurt.

However I will agree with some compromise, For example the one partner might feel like they can't live in so much filth and requires things to be clean around the house. While the other partner is a complete slob and doesn't care about the filth he/she lives in. In this scenario it would be unfair to ask the slob to be 100% clean and clean up the whole time, with the same breath it will also be unfair to expect the clean partner to live in a complete mess. So to save the day , they should both compromise, the slob should sacrifice some of his sloppiness and clean up a bit more and the clean person should compromise and lower his/her cleanliness standards.
If you aren't willing to compromise you shouldn't be married.


Eding my post with in 10 minutes did not work. i clicked edit about a minute after i posted it and it said access denied. wfao#^adv#$geat%!iswopwop

There are certain things that one can expect. Like being faithful and keeping your vows. Apart from those there shouldn't be any other expectations. Unless you said in your vows i'll be your slave servant then there should not be anything to worry about.

Notice from BuffaloHelp:

You can ask a moderator to merge your posts.

[unwanted_flower]

I have to admire everyone's thoughts about expectations in a marriage ,as i can not find faults with ,anyone placing their own feelings about expectations being in a marriage ,right or wrong .

I can only be inspired that ,such strong feelings are place in your replies .

as for me i believe there is always some form of expectations in a marriage bond together .
i will believe ,marriage is forever .

i will see that in a marriage come compromising and accepting ,each other ,as themselves ,as must of accepting each other ,to actually fall in love and held vows in marriage ,to spend rest of your life together .

within accepting each other ,there yes needs be strong compromising and the will within side your own heart ,to take both sides in any given issues ,good or bad and hold communication between the two ,in actually coming to some agreement in solving any risen issues in a marriage ,together .

to always hold disagreements without compromising to me is only one sided selfishness that ,needs attention in maybe ,being more on grown up side of self instead that child ,that always stomped around ,getting their point across and their own way ,no matter what age ,we become ,that becomes very unpleasant .

marriage is strong bond of two souls as one ,sharing their lives together through the good and bad ,till comes time ,both are content and happy ,just being ,there for each other ,finding great pleasures ,sitting on porch ,enjoying ,your surrounding life ,while two are sitting there ,one looks at the other ,the other ,knows just what that look really means and how simple look that sparkles ,means without ever saying one simple word.

Grasping each others hands ,locking together ,holding that smile ,Life is Good ,that you both made it through all those Years together.

When two people come into a marriage though and afraid to share their life with one they married afraid that doing that ,would lose something Important in the person they fought so hard to become in ones own self ,will always struggle through life ,feeling emptiness of never having that strong bond within marriage ,that shared look ,as always be discontent in all the wonders in one's own self .

so thank you ,everyone for your wonderful replies ,once again i am inspired by the replies and touched my own heart ,as no one is wrong in how they replied ,as each is different in this world .

that makes each of us ,special in our own ways .

have a nice day

[addymark]

Hello.
Marriage is the junction, where you reach any way. In the first instance first you love, and then reach the junction, and in the second instance, you reach the junction first , then love. In both cases the ultimate result is the one and the same, both become married couple. If the mind set remain compatible, the marriage goes on smoothly.

Respect for Your Partner.
In order to find true love, both partners must have the utmost respect for each other. Relationships that lack respect are often a struggle. If your partner does things to dishonour you, then they are disrespecting you. If you allow your partner to disrespect you, the message you are sending to the universe is that it is okay to disrespect you. When there is mutual respect, a relationship can soar to incredible heights.

In True Relationship, Forgiveness holds the key to true love! Forgiveness is healing. Forgiveness is liberating! Forgiveness is the first step to achieving a higher love.