19 replies to this topic

[slim89]

Like I'm just wondering what I should do...

This was my original plan but if you have any better suggestions please let me know...

It's been quite irritating trying to figure out what she wants, so I do want to move on, but everytime I try to get distant she acts all nice and close, and it ends up dragging on and on...

So since I promised to spend her birthday with her I decided to make it my D-Day. The plan is to put up with all of this until March 14th (The day we're spending together for her bday,) and then take her out during the day on a casual date, then take her out for dinner where our friends will be there to surprise her (she's never had a surprise bday based on one of her old convos) and have a fun dinner. Take her out somewhere nice for dessert afterwards and give her her bday gift and a card and tell her to read the card when she gets home. Then drop her off. I was gonna write in the card how I actually felt about her and if she doesn't feel the same way, ask her to give me some space. =T

I know it's corny and doesn't seem like much of a plan =T but that's all I've got at this point. I could go further, but I don't want to do that when I'm not even sure how she actually feels.

[anwiii]

yea, i noticed you jumped in that relationship pretty quick, but you actually had a lot of help with this new girl that's been hanging all over you. everyone deals with breakups differently, but you can't just be seeing people just because your lonely or depressed or feeling bad. it's no fair to the other person, it's no fair to you, and your ex is thinking how you moved on so quick and is now doubly hurt.

aside from that, it's good to see that you can treat this girl special and try to give her something she has never received before in the past.

i stand by what i said before about her. it really is up to you and how strong you can be in a relationship if you really do know this girl, understand her, and have feelings for her because she will be tough on this relationship but if you really get to know her and she stops hiding herself, maybe she has something wonderfull to offer where it's worth the struggle in the beginning.

playing games is the surfacy part of what you see. it goes deeper than that. there is more to this girl than what she want people to believe is the obvious. if she had a bad relationship in the past, then that might explain a little bit about why she is hesitant to get close. but seriously. you need to sit down with her privately and talk about things. you need answers. if she is not willing to talk or be honest with you, there is NO RELATIONSHIP there. don't change subjects if she doesn't want to talk about things. if she is ready for a serious relationship with you, then she will be willing to talk to you about anything. that is a fact. but it seems to me she isn't ready so maybe staying friends is the best thing you can do for her right now where if she DOES have boy/men issues, she will need time to get over them to enter in to a healthy relationship.

you aren't just in this for yourself. your in this for her too so what's best for you might not be best for her and you need to think about what is best for both of you.

[web_designer]

so slim finally you are here, i started if we still giving opinions here without hear yours. any way thanks for the more detailed information.

as it seems she helped you with your break up, she getting hurt before and she kind of deciding not being in a relationship again. but maybe because you've been so close together for the last three months makes her thinking or relationships again. so both of you need to work more if things getting well for you.

about your plan, i like it, it is good and give the other side enough time to think carefully. but you will miss her first reaction which you will tell you more than she will tell. not have a suggestion for now, if something pass in my mind i will let you know. good luck.

[roger112]

Your plan is great man!

Everything is well thought out and if you do it like that, it will prove to you that when you guys talk,you really pay attention.

Once tip though, don't bring up any controversial issues like where your relationship is headed okay. This is one of the biggest days every year on her calendar and if she doesn't feel like you guys can be an item...you'll spoil everything.

Its nice to leave a very nice message in her card and tell her to check it out later. Go home and WAIT for her call okay. When she calls, you can then discuss about you guys...but more than anything....try to make her come to the decision or realisation that you're in love okay!

All the best, good luck!!

[web_designer]

hay slim don't forget to tell us what will happen next, you make curious. i hope you good luck and things getting well for both of you.

[slim89]

So we went clubbing last night and it was actually pretty empty last night... We were sitting there together having a drink and she looked kinda bored so I asked her if she wanted to dance. She kinda just gazed out at the crowd didn't really say or do anything for a little while and then just gently shook her head. So I assumed she didn't want to and just talked to a few friends that walked by and stuff. I asked her again cuz she looked bored and she kept looking over at me from time to time and once again she doesn't react then gently shakes her head. Once again I kept talking to people and occasionally talked to her about my friends that night and just talked and drank a little bit. The whole night however, she kept looking over at me or looking at her phone txting and it almost seemed like she wanted me to do something but I didn't know what. So I asked her one last time, and she shook her head again smiling, but this time she said "I'm shy." Then she suddenly gets up off the chair and tells me her butt was hurting from sitting on the chair and stands next to me bobbing up and down to the beat lightly. So I got fed up and just got up and grabbed her to the floor and she came with me and danced. Afterwards we left the club and headed home and on the way home she suddenly brings up at her birthday's coming up and that she's "gonna be 20.... then 30.... then 40... and I'm gonna die single..." I didn't react to this initially because she randomly says stuff like this all the time. Then she brings it up again saying that she's been single for a long time and that it gets lonely goin to sleep at night knowing she's single, so I said to her, "then why not grab one of your guy friends that like you and date them?" and she's like "no! I'm not ready for a relationship." = =;; which once again contradicts what she originally stated. Later on she asks me if I get lonely at night too and I said "not really I've gotten used to it" and she says "I've been single for over a year now and i'm still not used to it." We kept talking during the drive back and she was joking around about something and I remember saying to her "maybe that's why you're single" and she said "I'm single cuz I choose to be." While we were at the club and sitting there bored, she was texting some random guys and one of the guys she was seeing in the past apparently got jealous that she was at the club with me and she brushed him off.

I'm not too sure but it almost seems like she's insecure. Today especially, when we were sitting on the chairs, it felt like she wanted me to initiate something and I wasn't sure, but when I did she followed. I dunno what's going on... before when I try initiating anything she'd back away or try take control over the situation... Also, come to think of it, the "I'm single" conversation came after the photographer greeted us outside the club stating we were "the best couple" that night. She didn't say "we're friends" or "he's not my bf" or anything like that and the both of us just said thanks and went to the car lol.

[web_designer]

hayyy slim, i read all you wrote assuming i will finally reach the words when you said" i told her", or "i decided " or "take any actions". FOR THE GOD SAKE, do something, decide what you want to do, decide if you want to be just friends or take a further steps.

you really make things interesting to me, it 's like i am watching a tv drama series, but i want to see the end you can't let things hanging like this. think, decide and take steps forward. if you want to be just friends hold back to return your relationship to the normal friends, if you want to be more than friends do something. you should do something because you really both of you acting like boyfriend and girlfriend where you are not.

about her she is really looks insecure and confused and things seems getting worse. i can't take a decision about her because i judge her only from what you told us but i am sure she is not sure what she wants to do, maybe if you sit and talk like friends more, this will make both of you more understand each other. good luck.

[webishqiptar]

Nice discussion about a topic that sounds quite easy understandable. In my opinion this guy is a victim, and I agree to anwii for this. He certainly is the pray for this girl. She certainly wants him. I see that girl like a lion that wants his pray and want to have on all costs, even by playing not fair. So my advice for this guy is, please stop being a woman, but tell her face to face, what she really wants and make things clear. You should certainly get an advantage on this situation. So stop being nice and gentle, this can get you confused and she will try to get you over. Dude show her that you're a man and that you are not weak but strong and secure. And you will get what you want.

Edited by webishqiptar, 10 May 2010 - 09:31 PM.

[web_designer]

well, webishqiptar, you said just what i already said before but in a direct way
he must decide what he wants to do, and finish all this. anyway, he didn't reply till now, so i wonder what he did. but i am not very optimist it seems he is hesitant just like her,

[mandla]

Its seems like you got yourself an admirer who wants you. I mean the whole thing about the teller is meant to be a test to see if you get jealous of nice comments to her. I think she wants a relationship with you but you arent showing her the right signals that you want her back so she gets defensive by saying I dont want a relationship etc. This is because she does not wanna embarass herself by wanting a guy who doesnt want her back. I bet you a million dollars if you took her on a nice date and asked her out she'd say yes, You just need to show her that you want her back too.

SHe is insecure cause she doesnt want to risk letting you meet another girl e.g in the queue in the bank so she's next to you to make sure other girls get the message your taken hence the people think we are a couple jokes. They are meant as a psychological trigger to start of a series of thoughts in your brain about how it would be to be a couple with her.

Dont shut her out to much just be who you are but give her a little more intimate attention and she'll stop being a psycho cause she'll start thinking its all falling into place. The big question though is do you want her