12 replies to this topic

[Hurt4love]

Well since I posted my story earlier on this forum I don't want to post it again so as not to bore anyone. Basically the last week or two had been the most difficult for me. My Birthday is tomorrow and since my father is well finally and is coming back home today my mother and siblings have found a reason to celebrate. But this must be the worst Birthday ever for me and I don't feel like even remembering it. My ex called me yesterday and the words we exchanged were so harsh. He wanted to settle our work since we used to work together and I quit after we broke up. I have another job now but all he wanted was to get the information he needed for his business to go well. I was torn all over again last night. I hated him like anything. He was blaming me for everything and even our problems and arguments. He blamed me for the way he treated me and you know what hurts we've broken up two weeks ago and he just called now to say that he had done the right thing and he still wants to be friends but if we are not then it is my fault because I am refusing his friendship. He does not see that he done mistakes and he is so righteous he says it's all in my head. I really thought that after few months he will realize what he had lost and the beautiful things he gave up with me. I thought he was going to miss me. But now after his call yesterday I feel like he will never get back to me and like he will never miss me. I started questioning did I really mean anything to him and did our 3 years together really special to him as he says they were? He did this two nights before my birthday and he did not even care to let me move on with my life. I am in so much pain right now. I have no ideas what to make out of all of this any longer. I had not had any sleep and cried the whole night and before he hung up he said to me I will speak to you soon! What part of "I need to move on so I will not talk to you anymore" does he not understand? I feel so devastated and it is as if I can't breathe from the pain I feel.

[web_designer]

Quote

Well since I posted my story earlier on this forum I don't want to post it again so as not to bore anyone.

well unfortunately if you did then it will be deleted becacse double posts are a crime here

any way, i must say that i am so so proud of you since you are doing better than before, i told you, you are a strong person and this is a phase in your life to learn from it. leaving your work with him is one of the best steps that you took to move on with your life, i am really proud of you. you did exactly the right thing.

now i think calling you just two days before your birthday is so unacceptable, but i think he didn't do it if he needed those things so much because he knows 100% that you will discuss about other things. so i think you should collect all the information that he wants and send it to him either by email or by another person and write to him very clearly that you can't be friends any more at least for now and he sould be far away, very very far away from you and by this you cut every connection with him for both of you sake. and when the day comes and you 've been healed, then you will see if you can be friends again. and if he calls again, close the telephone in his face

also i really think all this discussing and blaming each other is so natural and healthy, better than keep things inside you and let them eat you inside. this is kind of releasing that may hurt you now but will heal you faster. and all that swings between love and hate is also natural and healthy. but what i want you to do is STAND IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND SAY "ENOUGH", yes enough for you, no more pain, no more tears, enough, you will be fine without him, even much more better. you don't need him darling, you are a mature and smart person and if your way crosses with his for a certain time, so what, you are separated now and you have your own way to walk in. you have the whole life in front of you, just convincing yourself with this and thi is a step forward. just believe in your inner strength and you will be fine.

and believe me after what you feel now even if he felt regret and wants to come back to you, i don't think it's gonna work for you after all these wounds. your wounds will be in your way ALWAYS, i remember someone said " people can forget but not forgive" and unfortunately it is a sad fact but it is right not everyone could forgive even he forgot. so just give up on him and start a new life.

you can start from today, stop your tears, and decide to control your life, i know it hard to be done, and what i am writing are just words but it is a beginning. just believe it yourself and you can do it. start by your birthday party, be with your family, celebrate your dady recovery, show them how much you are strong and have fun. you can do it by distracting yourself, go to shopping for your birthday, contribute with the arrangements of your birthday. think that this is your birthday and even if he isn't here this year but he is not the whole life for you. you have your own family and friends and they are all next by you. finally i hope my words will help you a little and let me say by the knowledgesutra community name

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD DARLING

[anwiii]

just make sure you give him everything he needs the FIRST time so he wont have to bother you with his stuff and you don't have to be reminded. ya know? i know it's going to be a crappy birthday but there really isn't any good time for a breakup. he probably DOES miss you though. he wan't to be friends but all this blaming stuff needs to stop. he blames you, you blame him. i know it's not easy, but you don't have to hate eachother in the process. i am sure in some way that hating him makes it easier but you don't move on by lying to yourself. like the hopes that you two might get back together.

it may be a lousy birthday and you feel you have nothing to smile about and god forbid anyone else does when you are so miserable, but your dad is doing better and family is forever....not like broken relationships. it's something to be thankfull for because they wont leave you....

i do have to agree that being friends right now is out of the question and i hope he knows by now to care enough about you to make it easier for you to move on and not contact you but you. it's not good to keep all this crap inside so i'm glad you are posting about it. when the nights seem so miserable, you should always come back and post and update. somewhere out there, there is someone going through what you are and anything you post about me help them knowing they aren't alone

happy birthday anyway! maybe it's a day when you can decide to make a new start. when chapters of our lives close, other doors always open up. you just have to be able to see those doors rather than focus on the things that can be easy distractions.