21 replies to this topic

[Shahrukh]

I was wondering, treating everyone well is a good thing in all religions, cultures, sects, races, etc. etc.
But what about our behaviour with a bad guy?

What I could conclude was:
1. Being good with such a person may actually change him mentally. He may see things differently when we are nice even after his rude behaviour.
2. He may get more motivated. He will think that he has dominated the other person and can now talk to them in anyway he wants.

What do you think?

P.S. I understand that things are done differently with children to teach them. I am talking about grown-up, intelligent people.

[rpgsearcherz]

Shahrukh, on 27 July 2010 - 03:42 PM, said:

I was wondering, treating everyone well is a good thing in all religions, cultures, sects, races, etc. etc.
But what about our behaviour with a bad guy?

What I could conclude was:
1. Being good with such a person may actually change him mentally. He may see things differently when we are nice even after his rude behaviour.
2. He may get more motivated. He will think that he has dominated the other person and can now talk to them in anyway he wants.

What do you think?

P.S. I understand that things are done differently with children to teach them. I am talking about grown-up, intelligent people.

Both of those are very possible conclusions.

I personally believe that you should be nice because I'm religious and at least with Christianity the view is that God should be the only one judging others -- by treating people badly due to their behaviors you are in essence judging them.

[magnafrost]

Shahrukh, on 27 July 2010 - 03:42 PM, said:

I was wondering, treating everyone well is a good thing in all religions, cultures, sects, races, etc. etc.
But what about our behaviour with a bad guy?

What I could conclude was:
1. Being good with such a person may actually change him mentally. He may see things differently when we are nice even after his rude behaviour.
2. He may get more motivated. He will think that he has dominated the other person and can now talk to them in anyway he wants.

What do you think?

P.S. I understand that things are done differently with children to teach them. I am talking about grown-up, intelligent people.

Nice Topic! And definitely not an easy one to answer. The shortest answer:- It depends on the subtleties. For instance, your behaviour towards him might fuel his actions. And I assume that by people you mean every day people like you and me, and not, say, a terrorist. For the terrorists, they would most often be too focused, maybe even brain-washed, to the extent of not letting our actions change their way. But for us, I believe we all need/have someone to shout at, to cry to, in essence a person whom you take maximum rights with. Most likely, the other person will be happy to be your sole vent, and accept it, and it'll eventually become option 2. But, if some of your not-so close friends were to do the same thing, it'll be option 1. What I'm trying to say is, if a person who you think will be bad to you when you are bad, is actually nice, it'll be option 1. But if a person who you think will be nice is too nice, it'll lead to option 2.

[web_designer]

very nice topic ahahrukh,
for me i strongly believe in treating everyone nicely, and when i say EVERYONE, i mean exactly EVERYONE. even if i know that this guy is a bad one, or treated others badly but still i believe i should treating him nicely. why? because i know that, no one is born evil or a bad guy, but his circumstances, his community, feeling insecure, lack of family presence, lack of friends,lack of education...ect. all those are the main reasons of creating the bad guy. even when they always have a choice of becoming good or bad but still it is hard to make a good choice when everyone is judging that guy, avoid him, or treat him badly. therefor i believe that a nice word, or a smile could give him some hope, and give back his trust in goodness in this world, and finally he will change or want to be changed.

therefor i will never give up trying or changing my mind, i will always treat bad guys in a nice way, and talk to them just like everyone else. but i will do that in case he treat me back with respect, if not then i could give him an excuse one or two times but if i get always the same bad behavior from him, then i will leave him alone and not even talk to him again, because i will know that it is his choice to be the bad guy. and all my trying will be in a wast.

well, till now in my life, i could remember many occasions when i had to deal with some people who assumed as bad guys from others. i remember i talked to them nicely and they reply me the same, in fact all the bad guys i met in my life and i was nice to them, they were replying me the same or were avoiding me, and in a very few times i was in touch with their bad behavior and even so they end up apologizing to me, thanks god for that.

in the same time i should say that it is very hard to be nice with everyone, sometimes you could be afraid from that bad guy or aware from dealing with him, or worse you may hate what he is doing, but if you believe what you do is the right thing then you should do it no matter what. it is something like hiding your true feelings and reactions to offer something good for that bad person even sometimes you know he may not react to you or you are wasting your time. but i think the try is worthy to take chances, because your nice word or you way of treating him, may be a reason of changing that person for a better one forever.

[Shahrukh]

rpgsearcherz, on 27 July 2010 - 03:49 PM, said:

I personally believe that you should be nice because I'm religious and at least with Christianity the view is that God should be the only one judging others -- by treating people badly due to their behaviors you are in essence judging them.

I have similar beliefs. Islam also teaches to do good to everyone; but, sometimes, you do have to be tough to tell the other person you are not under his control.

magnafrost, on 27 July 2010 - 05:16 PM, said:

Nice Topic!
(...)
I believe we all need/have someone to shout at, to cry to, in essence a person whom you take maximum rights with. Most likely, the other person will be happy to be your sole vent, and accept it, and it'll eventually become option 2. But, if some of your not-so close friends were to do the same thing, it'll be option 1. What I'm trying to say is, if a person who you think will be bad to you when you are bad, is actually nice, it'll be option 1. But if a person who you think will be nice is too nice, it'll lead to option 2.

Thank you.
Yup, I meant normal people. But in a different sense.
You are right, sometimes people need to bring out their accumulated bad feelings to feel better. However, some people are just bad by nature.
For example, people who tease others daily in school, homes, etc. Once in a while is OK and fun but being disturbed daily is not very entertaining.
They are the kind of people I was talking about. Not specifically pranksters, but the bad by nature people.

web_designer, on 27 July 2010 - 07:09 PM, said:

very nice topic ahahrukh,
for me i strongly believe in treating everyone nicely, and when i say EVERYONE, i mean exactly EVERYONE.(...)

Thank you again.
I also believe in being nice to everyone.
However, there have been instances when people give a hard time to you or your fellows and don't give them their rights.
I don't like people like those and think they don't deserve our nice behaviour.
Every man reaps what he sows. So, if you are way out in being bad, you should be taught a lesson, both by people and God.

[missy2205]

i think there are stages in everything. I'd say Bad guys should be treated nicely so they feel guilty about their evil actions but after a while if they dont change they maybe an eye for an eye then comes into play. SO many times evil guys get away with being evil because people who are religious forgive and forget and say things like vengence is for GOd and turn the other chick. but then the bad guys dont change they continue thinking i outsmarted them and got away with it.

Edited by missy2205, 29 July 2010 - 01:22 PM.

[Shahrukh]

missy2205, on 29 July 2010 - 01:12 PM, said:

i think there are stages in everything. I'd say Bad guys should be treated nicely so they feel guilty about their evil actions but after a while if they dont change they maybe an eye for an eye then comes into play. SO many times evil guys get away with being evil because people who are religious forgive and forget and say things like vengence is for GOd and turn the other chick. but then the bad guys dont change they continue thinking i outsmarted them and got away with it.

Hmmm...yes, that seems like a good idea. But then how do you decide when to move over to the next stage?

[magnafrost]

Shahrukh, on 29 July 2010 - 06:37 PM, said:

Hmmm...yes, that seems like a good idea. But then how do you decide when to move over to the next stage?

Its upto your observation and deduction. If your good deed caused him to have the tiniest bit of reforming himself, keep doing it. Otherwise you know what to do

[rpgsearcherz]

magnafrost, on 29 July 2010 - 07:00 PM, said:

Its upto your observation and deduction. If your good deed caused him to have the tiniest bit of reforming himself, keep doing it. Otherwise you know what to do

Yeah, there are some situations where I believe people need to be dealt with -- they can cause a lot of problems if they aren't. Usually people are better off around nice people so it really just depends.

But our jail system is definitely full of fail. Consider how it works:

1) You commit a crime. Let's say you killed someone
2) You are sent to jail
3) While you are in jail you are around other murderers
4) From these others you learn even MORE ways to kill people, and ways to not get caught
5) You're eventually released with all of your new information
6) You go out and kill some more, rinse, and repeat


That's pretty much how it works right now. They say "if you commit a crime we will put you with other criminals." What is that supposed to solve? Being around others who do bad things for years will cause nothing but *more* crimes to be pushed through your mind.

[Shahrukh]

magnafrost, on 29 July 2010 - 07:00 PM, said:

Its upto your observation and deduction. If your good deed caused him to have the tiniest bit of reforming himself, keep doing it. Otherwise you know what to do

That is a very good solution, actually. Try out good actions for a while and if there is no improvement noticeable, let 'em have it!

rpgsearcherz, on 29 July 2010 - 07:22 PM, said:

Yeah, there are some situations where I believe people need to be dealt with -- they can cause a lot of problems if they aren't. Usually people are better off around nice people so it really just depends.

But our jail system is definitely full of fail. (...)

Yeah, sometimes, people are different with different people. But their nature does show at one point or the other.

I agree with the jail systems. It just wastes the time of the criminals. Doesn't really help.