8 replies to this topic

[Confusedd]

Ok you are thinking a lot of things by seeing that title but it is just my bad luck. Now don't know what to do. My old school-mate whom I didn't speak for two years met me again in college and she joined along with her cousin. They were most friendly to me than other girls and unlike some other girls they never tried to come too close, but still maintained a close friendship. I already know one of them is committed and he is in my college too. After some months I got crush on her cousin and told her about this but shocked to know she was also committed. It didnt affect our friendship and I tried to get rid of feelings for her.

Then after around a month the other girl, whom I already knew as committed somehow became even more close to me and she was always talking about her boyfriend and other things and without realising it had a crush on her too! Told her this and we both agreed to forget it.

Now it has been five months since all this happened and I still can't forget them both. Want to be with both of them always and want to keep talking to them. We have only one year left in college after which each will go their own way. I know keeping this feelings is wrong but still not able to forget them. There have been one or two other girls who tried to get close to me but I never felt close to them. Only these two committed girls keep coming back in mind and I know I can't do anything about it, and neither can they. So what to do to get rid of these wrong feelings? Please help -I'm so confused

[anwiii]

you do it by respecting them both and the value of their own relationships if you are a true friend. these two girls are different. maybe you are misguiding yourself in trying to assume what love is. sometimes being close to someone can have the signs of love, but it's a different love than being committed to it in a relationship. i think you will have to distance yourself a little. especially if they are deciding to talk to you about their relationships with other guys. this is just going to make you feel worse. especially if they talk about their relationship problems. this is a big no no since you should be the last person they should be talking about that stuff with. you can never be objective with them since you have feelings for them. they made a choice to be committed to other people and you have to choose to respect that if you are ever a friend to them. if you can't do that, then you will have to separate yourself from the situation your in and the closeness you feel so you don't feel even closer than before. the closer you feel, the worse it will be for you.

so you like this girl and the cousin? what are you trying to do, keep it in the family? sounds like you need to call jerry springer. he is an expert on subjects like this.

so basically, what you do is the OPPOSITE of what you have been doing in feeling close to these two women. it's not what you want to hear, but it's the simple truth

[web_designer]

can't agree more with you anwiii, you just said the right thing. Confusedd, you are really confused. you should take a space for yourself and clear your head and relax to know what you truly feel. what you are talking about is everything BUT absolutely not LOVE. it could be respect, admiration, friendship and deep friendship but absolutely not love. and your desire of being close to two women proves that. you can't love two women in one time right!!! this is not reasonable at all.

now i can say that you are a sensitive person and those girls are same as you in so many ways, like three of you have the same qualities, love the same things or even different but in the same way. maybe what i am saying is not making any sense, but it is to me. i remember when i was in college i was so close to three of my best friends. when i was in the last year, i had a really bad time thinking that i am gonna be apart from them. i lived in depression for many months but i survived and each one of us now has his own life to live.

sometimes when we feel that we found the right friend, and we share a lot with him/her, we start misjudging our thinking of him/her. or we get confused with our feelings, we may even feel so sad to stay away from him/her or thinking we may be apart from them. but the reality is, we should take our space and let him/her to take his or her. or we may lose that friend or mess his/her life. when eventually you will find out that it is not love and you ruined a deep friendship and both of your lives. therefore we should always think carefully before taking any steps that we may regret in the future. and we should always remember that friendship is the other side of love that never stainless.

[chini13]

My friends are good advisors on love

[mahesh2k]

My friend once told me, never chase two cars and gals at the same time, because there will be always another. Only way to get this out of your head is that you need to find another extra super hot or cool (whatever you like) in your head. If there is another girl which helps you get over other two then you'll be fine and process of letting it go will be smooth.

[web_designer]

mahesh2k, on 22 August 2010 - 09:12 AM, said:

My friend once told me, never chase two cars and gals at the same time, because there will be always another. Only way to get this out of your head is that you need to find another extra super hot or cool (whatever you like) in your head. If there is another girl which helps you get over other two then you'll be fine and process of letting it go will be smooth.

hahaaa, mahesh this is the funniest thing i've ever heard. now you gonna set that poor guy with a third girl .

[Confusedd]

Thanks so much for response. It seems all of you who replied thinks I am taking this matter to be "love". I never mentioned I was in love with them. Just I am confused about my feelings with them. It's more than a crush but I know its not love because I have same feeling for both, cant bear to think of one without the other

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i think you will have to distance yourself a little. especially if they are deciding to talk to you about their relationships with other guys. this is just going to make you feel worse. especially if they talk about their relationship problems. this is a big no no since you should be the last person they should be talking about that stuff with. you can never be objective with them since you have feelings for them. they made a choice to be committed to other people and you have to choose to respect that if you are ever a friend to them. if you can't do that, then you will have to separate yourself from the situation your in and the closeness you feel so you don't feel even closer than before. the closer you feel, the worse it will be for you.

I also got same thought - to stay away from them for sometime but its not helping at all thats why I'm getting mad. because i still dont know exactly what i want to do.

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what you are talking about is everything BUT absolutely not LOVE. it could be respect, admiration, friendship and deep friendship but absolutely not love. and your desire of being close to two women proves that. you can't love two women in one time right!!! this is not reasonable at all.

I said before also - I know this is not love. I just wish I knew what it was. It's becoming a torture for me daily and it's making them uncomfortable too.

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Only way to get this out of your head is that you need to find another extra super hot or cool (whatever you like) in your head. If there is another girl which helps you get over other two then you'll be fine and process of letting it go will be smooth.

It's not so easy - and I didn't get these feelings for these girls because they're hot or cool (actually one of them is quite fat) but because I felt they're quite right for me. I tried diverting by meeting other girls its not helping at all.

I know I'm not being sensible here but really getting mad because of this situation and getting all crazy thoughts in mind

[web_designer]

ok you are getting confused because you are so close to them and since you know that it is not love then you are on the right way. now starting from the beginning, you are so close to them and can't be away from them. ok it is kind of complicated friendship. and i understand, when you feel you are so close to someone and he is so close to you mentally then you can't even think you maybe live a way from him. so, the right thing to do is to follow a schedule even this may look weird but i think it is the right way. now how?

let's say you meet them twice a day, once in the college and once after college, for 5 days a week. and arrange something together to hang out in the week end. remember it is an example, so bear with me please . then make a schedule like the following:

for 2 weeks: meet them everyday in the college, 3 times a week after college, and in the week end.

the next 2 week: meet them everyday in college, 2 times a week after college, and in the week end.

the next 2 week: meet them everyday in college, 1 times a week after college, and in the week end.

the next 2 week: meet them everyday in college, no more meetings after college, and in the week end.

the next 2 week: meet them everyday in college, no more meetings after college, and no more meeting in the week end.

now you should stick of this schedule for a month to get used to it and now you have a normal relationship with them. from now on, you could arrange something to see them after college or in the week end, but don't over do it or you will return from where you began.

what will help you follow this schedule is meeting new friends or calling old friends and arrange something with them, or get a new girl friend or visit your family, do new activities ..ect. i mean anything that keep your mind busy, hope this will help and good luck.

[anwiii]

ehhhhh i don't really agree with the weening off process. this guy needs to take a break from them. what he feels could be the start of feeling love for them. like i said. but it can't possibly be the start of starting a relationship with either one. also, if he did have that chance, and dated one, he would still feel lonely without the other ones companionship. this is why he needs to take a break from them cold turkey to have time for his own thoughts and figure out where his feelings are coming from. in any case, he still needs to respect the relationships they are already in.

so my thoughts are that he is getting hurt because he doesn't have the opportunity to explore his feelings more with these women to see if it's true love. he's feeling something he's confused about, he can't pursue his feelings, and it's a test to see how strong of a friend he can be to two people he cares about.

i still say taking a break from them to clear ones head is the best solution for now. he needs to find some balance and nobody ever said finding balance is easy