9 replies to this topic

[Mich]

Love and Infatuation

It seems to be generally accepted that infatuation is wholly physical attraction for one of the opposite sex and that love transcends infatuation in that it involves mental and spiritual affinity as well.

Infatuation
Let us take a fellow of college age whose attention is drawn to an attractive girl singer. He meets her backstage and is engulfed in a powerful physical attraction to her -- partly by her beauty, partly by her perfume, and partly by the fact that she is an object of public admiration. To be seen with such a prize would doubtlessly make him quite the fair-haired boy among his college pals. She responds delightedly to his gushing admiration for her an flatters him with her company. She give him her undivided attention when they are together and sets him at ease. For a while, it pleases him to have this beauty whom he is squiring bask in the light of public admiration, but as she deigns to smile on others in the crowd, he begins to lose face a little. And when rehearsals begin to take away some of her time with him, he feels the pinch even more. Finally, he confronts her with his discomfiture at her dividing her time between him and her career. In the argument which arises out of his admonitions, she becomes aware that his feelings toward her are rather selfish, and he discovers she’ll love him only if she need not curtail her ambitions as a singer. Thus an impasse arises; he doesn’t wish to share her with her career and she’ll not give up a part of her career for the sake of retaining him as her lover. It becomes evident that what was mistaken for love is merely selfish attraction -- infatuation. If this relationship were built on love, the fellow would be delighted to see her succeed as a singer and she would see to it that her demands for his time were not to the detriment of his education. Since each of them is looking upon the other so selfishly, their relationship will terminate before having a chance to grow. One thing about infatuation, if the people involved don’t rush things the true nature of the relationship will generally reveal itself in time.

Love
Love has been defined as unselfish, lasting, involving a genuine mutual respect and real friendship, and as resulting in a productive relationship. Mutual understanding is a must for love to exist and one must study the other as well as himself to accomplish this. Does the feeling that is there honor the other party? Does it exalt and respect the other? If it is true love, it will. True love never degrades, never despises, never treats with disrespect, never leads one to do anything that would injure the other or lower them in the estimation and respect of other people. Is this feeling unselfish, seeking the good of the other and not one’s own good or pleasure? Love results in a productive relationship because two people in love set common goals and push in that direction. Two people working toward the same goals will be more successful in attaining the desired ends than will two people constantly working at cross-purposes. This brings us up to the necessity of talking over goals together. If two people are to work in the same direction, they must fully understand and agree upon what they are working towards. Any problems between two people in love, who can communicate, seem to solve themselves.

Edited by Mich, 03 October 2010 - 11:58 PM.

[rpgsearcherz]

I agree to what you said here. Though I would also add the fact that "love" is a word that is tossed around way too much. People think they are in "love" just because they like someone.

You should also add in the word "lust," because that is one of the most common feelings today. Lust is the "desire" (generally sexually) for another person. It is another feeling that is commonly mistaken for "love."

[chini13]

love is the term which is mostly misinterpreted by us all.We humans are really selfish being and we tent to modify the actual definition of love as per our convenience.I think we do it to satisfy our desire to be loved and to love.Nothing in the world is like this greatest emotion but i think it is difficult to know what is it actually..We all will have our point of view but then thats not true.love is beyond explanation i guess..it improves u as a person..grows u ..gives u peace..it never makes u feel jealous and possessive for the desiring person.

[rpgsearcherz]

chini13, on 30 September 2010 - 06:15 AM, said:

love is the term which is mostly misinterpreted by us all.We humans are really selfish being and we tent to modify the actual definition of love as per our convenience.I think we do it to satisfy our desire to be loved and to love.Nothing in the world is like this greatest emotion but i think it is difficult to know what is it actually..We all will have our point of view but then thats not true.love is beyond explanation i guess..it improves u as a person..grows u ..gives u peace..it never makes u feel jealous and possessive for the desiring person.

I agree with you to a point, but another thing that needs to be taken into consideration is that infatuation also often gives people that supreme feeling of happiness. For them, the word "love" may feel like it's what they're going through.

For example, I understand the feeling that you love someone when it's unconditional. But at the same time I feel that if someone, for example, cheats on another person, that shows that the other party did not love them back, therefore they should not be together. This doesn't mean to stop caring for the other person, but I can't honestly see myself being with someone who cheated on me. It is betrayal worse than just about anything else.

So even when you look at the feelings of love you can't really use that as a basis because nobody truly knows what it is.

[chini13]

rpgsearcherz, on 30 September 2010 - 08:07 AM, said:

For example, I understand the feeling that you love someone when it's unconditional. But at the same time I feel that if someone, for example, cheats on another person, that shows that the other party did not love them back, therefore they should not be together. This doesn't mean to stop caring for the other person, but I can't honestly see myself being with someone who cheated on me. It is betrayal worse than just about anything else.

So even when you look at the feelings of love you can't really use that as a basis because nobody truly knows what it is.

But true love does not mean that you have to stay with the person or be with the person.i think of u truly love someone even if you are not together and you wish happiness for that person is enough..Presence don't matter much ..but the emotion is so high and it matters the most...It is like you can sit in a room with that person without talking but then the person is their..so it satisfies u and gives you happiness .

[rpgsearcherz]

chini13, on 30 September 2010 - 03:18 PM, said:

But true love does not mean that you have to stay with the person or be with the person.i think of u truly love someone even if you are not together and you wish happiness for that person is enough..Presence don't matter much ..but the emotion is so high and it matters the most...It is like you can sit in a room with that person without talking but then the person is their..so it satisfies u and gives you happiness .

Well, to a point that's true. But I've heard before the words "if you loved me you would be with me." This is especially irritating after something major happened (like finding out he/she cheated on you). So really it isn't just wishing them happiness that would constitute love, as if that were true then you would be with them because it makes them happy.

Maybe this is why it's so hard to put into words... Because it's an indescribable feeling.

And this then brings about the question of "is love the same for everyone?"

[Mich]

rpgsearcherz, on 30 September 2010 - 03:13 AM, said:

.....You should also add in the word "lust," because that is one of the most common feelings today. Lust is the "desire" (generally sexually) for another person. It is another feeling that is commonly mistaken for "love."

Awe yes, Lust. I didn't mention lust since I was comparing Infatuation to Love. Lust is purely a physical attraction driven by hormones. There is no emotional involvement with the partner and no relationship, as in the case of infatuation and love. There is no caring for or about the partner. The only thing important to a lustful person is his or her own satisfaction. Although, admittedly, infatuation may grow out of lust. The relationship developed in this manner will inevitably meet its end in time.

[Illustrious]

This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering how to tell if you are lusting, infatuating, of loving someone. All of them show levels of attractiveness to some degree. The thing about infatuation and love is that both have strong feelings of affection for the other person.

[Mich]

Illustrious, on 12 October 2010 - 03:21 PM, said:

This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering how to tell if you are lusting, infatuating, of loving someone. All of them show levels of attractiveness to some degree. The thing about infatuation and love is that both have strong feelings of affection for the other person.

Knowing the difference does require some self-introspect or self-knowledge and understanding of ones own intentions. If one is only interested in how the relationship makes them feel without caring about the interests, advantages, and pleasures of the partner it is affection known as infatuation. On the other hand, if the affection includeds sympathetic feelings for the partner, showing true passion for the interests, advantages and pleasures of both, then you have love.

[MyEternalVengence]

Illustrious, on 12 October 2010 - 03:21 PM, said:

This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering how to tell if you are lusting, infatuating, of loving someone. All of them show levels of attractiveness to some degree. The thing about infatuation and love is that both have strong feelings of affection for the other person.

I think that with infatuation you really care about them but you don't push to the same goals. With love you stive for the same things and are willing to give up everything to make the other happy.