mandla

Welcome to knowledgesutra Vicky.

I guess by now you been around the site and familiarised yourself with how things work. like the mycents you receive for posting and the 'free' hosting and domains.

we are all one big family on KS and we support one another on the forums wherever we can. helping, advising and at times cheeky arguments but at the end of the day we all here to gain knowledge and experience in a life and different feilds we encounters in our endeavours. I hope you will find these forums as educational and interesting we have found them.

Welcom to the family Vicky and if you ever need anything all you do is just ask.

you situation is really painful and i believe its nobody at fault in this. Its just the way things have turned out. FOr you it hurts more because you feel like you dont have a choice but to accept the bad news.

From my point of view i think there is one slight thing you all didnt take into consideration. You met this lady a month after her baby was born. she fell for you and then later because of her ex fighting for custody or trying to take baby away you ended up being told things like i never loved. This is probably true. She never loved you. Now dont get me wrong Im not saying she lied to you when she said i love you i believe she genuinly meant it. Thats what she believed she was feeling at that time of saying it.

Im no doctor or psychologist but I think just after giving birth, most women still have hormonal issues and dont really knwo whats going on. SOme even resent their babies and feel trapped because they are stuck at home and its like a mental prison they are in . Judging from this girl wanting a relationship so soon after giving birth tells you that her pregnancy must have been very difficult. For instance if he abused her or left her or broke up with her while she was pregnant then obviously her self esteem must have taken a huge battering. she must have felt like a worthless person, pregnant single mom to be who was fast becoming those girls peole talk about. So when you came along you were like a tall glass of water in the desert. There you were being really nice to her at a time no one else wanted her. It felt good hearing that someone wanted to be with her especially when the post natal depression kicked in. You were something she could look forward to in her boring world of basically little or no sleep and a crying baby for company. Her bf seems like hed either left or was worse company that a screaming baby.

She was never ready for a relationship. but having you around was refreshing in her dreary world. I dont know if you have ever watch a reality television show called BIG BROTHER its about a group of people put in a house for a long time like 3 months and after a while they start to feel very close and develop lve feelings for each other. It is obvious in the real world they may never have been compatible but when they had no options to chose from they made best of what was around and got attached to that. It normally does not surprise anyone that these relationships do not last once they are back on the outside world. Well My friend you have been in a similar situation. She had no one else but you and in that enviroment of post natalk depression you were as good as it got and she didnt even realise that she was infactuated with you because you were the only person there for her. You were her escape from reality. from the crying baby and long nights spent with the baby not wanting to sleep.

When she left and reality hit because she probably realised you werent the only person in the world there for her and that the world wasnt all about one house and a crying screaming baby but there was a support network she realised that in the ideal world she would not be dating you she decided to nip it in the bud. If you look at you situation, you will find that she js realised that the person wanting to take her baby away or cause the baby to be taken away was someone she probabaly trusted in very much the same way you were fast becoming trusted. She realised that a guy who loves you can one day turn very sour and bitter after things dont work out. She probably is bitter at her ex for tryign to make her loose the same baby she despised for robbign her of freedom only weeks before. BUt thats not her fault. Post natal depression does that to people. Have you not heard of women who cant cope with the post natal depression some kill their babies or stuff like that.

You just have to cut your losses and and move on mate. There was never a real relationship there. One of you was in a time of their life they didnt know what else to do so felt like the only way out was to try and find love. I would say cut your losses and move on bro.

if by now you havent asked her to be your girlfriend then my frined you are USELESS there is no winning with you. Everyone has been telling you to tell her how you feel and if you havent done that by now you never will and she will start feeling like a fool hinting things to a guy who doest see what this girl is hinting.

I would say next time anythig the least bit suggestive happens be it a touch on the shoulder or a cuddle. If at anypoint you think she is hinting something more than just touch then stear things toward a first kiss. Ylu had the perfect scenario at the beach and I know had i been in your shoes reaching 3rd base would have been the minimum that would have transpired.

Such a shame how the original poster didnt really intend to get a real answer but was posting spam and yet this is such a rich realistic topic. If you over look the silly advert for the dating site that in included.

In my opinion i believe everythign is a matter of choice and acceptance. The fact that internet dating has been around for nearly 3 decades tells you it must be working somewhere. Maybe for 5% of the population but guranteed it is working for some. Everythign obviously boils down to a matter of taste and inhibition meaning if you are in a situation where your best means of finding girls or boys is only and you are willing to take the chance of being messed about with touched up pictures from ones youthful days then Internet dating is a great way of meeting people. I think the problems that arrise from internet dating are mainly from added unecceasry pressure to find love,


Most websites that are directly and strictly dating sites automatically have a subliminal pressure advert that is embedded into punters mind. You are competing for men on here or you are competting for girls on here so look your best, be dolled up and sexy otherwise you have no hope. the emphasis is ion being a good loking catch because the more beautiful and sexy you are will ensure that you have more inbox replies from potential lovers. What then happens if I am a shrek. Does that mean no one will ever gimme the time of day or the chance to let my greta personality shine as they will judge me based on great looks which I do not have. Also will be the added stigma of the handsome guys being stuck up and knowing how great they look that they use their looks as a one night stand advert. Basically meaning that the good looking guys may just be guys who know that girls like them for their looks and great bodies and would be using this as a tool for getting girls into bed and moving on as soon as possible. After 5 such guys most girls would turn around and say I have tried internet dating but oh my gawd the guys there are just players who are interested in getting their rocks off using their good looks. I find that instead of looking at dating sites people should look into social networking sites that are more based on friendship rather than attraction.

For not wanting to advertise a certain popular social network i will refer to this network as friendface. On frinedfce you can add frined and start an online friendship and get to know more of the real each other as peole tend to put up more natural pictures and have statuses that reflect more of their daily mentality than an impressive trimmed introduction which is a morketing tool to help net as many potential boyfriend or girlfriends. There are multiple ways of getting intouch and becoming good friends. This offers the other person the chance to let their real personality shine and let feeling develop naturally if they do. Once you have gotten to know each other and you feel comfortable with each other you can begin to share more intimate details like phone numbers and start textign and ringing each other. There i minimal preszsure to be impressive form just pictures as you get to know each other for who the other person is. This helps you to rdeduce the number of faileed relationships as by the time you all meet up and start dating or seeing each other you are more or less aware of the other persons personality.

THis does not in anyway imply that there is no snipers on friendface as this is totally misleading. There are people on friend face whose main goal is to score sex with men or women and they will play their cards right until they get what they set out to get. I have friends who use friendface as a getting girls platform and they say its so much better because you meet up with girls from towns afara and there is little or no chance of meeting them in the local night club on a night out if the sex was rubbish and all that. they put on a whole personas just to impress girls online and the girls fall for their charm and give in to their wishes sooner or later. As with any service include real life dating there will always be those who play the system and fiddle the wires to be perfect for their goals whether these goals are noble or not.

In my own words I would say Internet dating does work but there is always a chance that you maybe the unlucky in love person so i would advice caution in any form of dating. Remeber better safe than sorry.

Hope this helps and to the idiot who posted this topic as spam, you are an idiot and stupid fool. It is very unprofessional of you. I think you should be banned from this site for breaking the rules as its people like you who mess up our beloved KnowledgeSutra. The only redemption is that the topic has actually picked up a lot of interest and responses so that sort of negates my anger towards you and I will leet you get off this time. Though had this been a dismal failure i would have had no problem recommending you get banned. Enjoy your lucky streak.

wow, your issue is very sad and yet soo obvious. I hate to be the one to break it to you because it seems you really like and are smitten with this girl but sometimes in life we go for the very things that we can never ever get and hold on to relationships that have long past their shelve life. You story is just as crystal clear as can be. This girl is playing you but not the way you are thinking. There is a big difference between someone who cheats on you and someone who banks you just because they can not face the reality of dumping you. Yes i know in the common eye cheating is cheating but for your sake we want to make this a little less just plain cheating.

You say she seemingly doesnt wanna hang out and makes excuses yet when you ask her if shes still interested she says yes and tells you she wants to marry you have a future and all that with you. You need to do a reality check bro. Words come easy but dont mean much, never has this been more real than in this very situation. Its obvious this girl cares about your feelings otherwise she would have blanked you by now or been ruthless and dumped you but she doesnt want to see you crying and begging for another chance. You my friend are one of those guys who makes an amazing first impression, and she liked what she thought you would be in a relationship, you seemed the perfect guy cause you probably are the perfect guy. You open doors and buy flowers and all that romantic stuff. You probably care and listen when she talks about her day and all that romantic stuff. She saw Mr perfect in you and craved that but once you two go together she realised as lovers you are not really compatible, maybe you are too girly she wants someone thats gonna be a cowboy and stress her a little or say no to her and demand things like no im not gonna go to the movies next week. Whats so important that you can not cancel to hang out with me. See thats the problem with love, sometimes the advertising department of our personalities turns out not quite the product the customer wants. I am not saying this is what happened in your case but this is highly one of the main things that has led to you current situation.

To put it blunty, she no longer has vested interest in having a relationship with you. As far as she is concerned that ship has sailed, you two are no longer in love maybe you still are but she is already moving on with her love life just that she cares about your feelings she traies to no hurt you in the obvious immediate realm. Notice she is snogging your best frined and telling the sister not to say because she doesnt want you to find out and feel hurt and betrayed by the two people who should currently have your back. Id say cut your losses and move on bro. Yes you may love her but holding on is recipe for pain and anger and resentment of how things have turned out. Right now I can imagine how you felt hearing thats what happened and then everytime she denies it you see and hear a liar worse your best friend betraying your trust that must take its tol on your emotionally. I say bite the bullet and just tell her you know she doesnt really mean the things shes saying because you know she kissed your friend and is trying to hide. Tell her you are hurt and exactly how you feel about the whole thing and how its made you go through a really bad period if you need to, Then tell her you are setting her free because obviously its not working out.

The longer you wait the more damaging this whole fiasco will be. You want to nip iot in the bud in these early stages before you start finding out you buddy has hadd passionate explosive sex with him for the last month while she had you waiting outside the movie house for her to come for a date she never turned up to. THe reality of the matter is there is no relationship anymore. She is only dragging this out in hopes you will grow apart because you never spend any time toogether or cultivate your realtionship. This is a trick boys have used on girls for years and years only difference is boys do it because they may just one dae day want to go back for a quickie.

Good luck with your situation and hope you get some form of resolution soon ans this is not a healthy situation for you.